Las Vegas Sun

March 29, 2024

NASCAR’s drug testing should go to the next level

Drug testing and Jeremy Mayfield. That’s what everyone who follows NASCAR is talking about this week. Considering how dangerous racing is, it’s crucial that NASCAR adhere to a strict no-tolerance policy regarding drugs. My only question: Is NASCAR going far enough?

Take the legions of conspiratorial fans who think every caution flag is a sinister plot to control the outcome of a race or who constantly blame NASCAR for playing favorites with certain drivers. Send these people to the lab.

And what about the rowdy, chain-smoking, beer-swilling fans who throw their half-empty containers onto the track to express their displeasure when their least-favorite driver wins? Make them pee in a cup.

Find the person or persons responsible for inventing the lucky dog rule. Come on, this isn’t golf. There shouldn’t be mulligans in NASCAR! Send in the substance abuse police.

Then there is the TV broadcaster with a mouth that goes 200 miles per hour. No, wait, that just comes naturally for him. There isn’t a drug on earth that would make a person scream “boogity, boogity, boogity” at the top of his lungs every week before millions of people.

How about all those fans who think Kyle Busch is a polite, mature and humble young man. Well, you can’t drug test people who don’t exist.

What about Digger? Any rodent dumb enough to stick his head above ground as a pack of 43 cars approaches at 190 miles per hour needs to have a complete blood analysis done.

Finally, what about all of us bloviating NASCAR bloggers? There’s more wind on the Internet than in a wind tunnel test of a Sprint Cup car. Zero tolerance, baby!

Dale Jr. cartoon caption contest.

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