Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Have faith, there’s a match

If any Jewish woman should be able to find a good Jewish man, you'd think it would be Sidra Shapiro, a Las Vegas genetics counselor.

"A normal Jewish man," said the 29-year-old spunky brunette as she waited by the bar at the fourth annual Vodka Latka party at Tao, the Strip nightclub.

Shapiro and her friends were drawn to the annual Hanukkah kickoff event put on by the Jewish Federation of Las Vegas on Dec. 7 to have fun, hang out with friends and meet others with similar faith backgrounds. But like many of the single, under-40 Jews in the crowd of more than 600, the women were harboring hopes that they just might find "the one."

"It's hard to meet Jewish men, especially in this town," Shapiro said. "Finding a good Jewish man is like looking for a parking spot. They are either taken or handicapped in some way."

The Vodka Latka party was open to adults of all ages and marital status as a way to help foster relationships among Jews in a community where only 10 percent might be affiliated with a synagogue. It is also the premier event of the year for Jewish singles to meet other Jewish singles. The Jewish Federation uses the event to draw younger generations into other federation events and service opportunities, co-chairs Randi Sarno and Kristen Routh Silberman said.

With plenty of vodka, latkes and kosher Asian finger-food in hand, Jewish singles said the swish event lacks the cheesiness of speed-dating gatherings that some local synagogues offer or the stigma of the singles-only happy hours. And because it is mixed company, it doesn't have the "meat market" feel of meeting someone in a nightclub.

Dating can be tough for anyone in Las Vegas, which several Vodka Latka participants described as a lonely, isolating town. But dating is especially hard for people of a minority ethnic background or for people of faith searching for like-minded people.

"Vegas is not exactly the greatest place to find friends, but these things help. At least you know she has the right qualifications," said Marty Paz, a 27-year-old telecommunications salesman. He said he wants to marry a Jewish woman and have "lots and lots of Jewish babies."

Be they Jewish or Muslim, Catholic or Protestant, mainstream religious groups are scrambling to draw in and keep younger generations actively engaged.

Taking their cue from evangelical churches, the fastest-growing congregations in the country, even Jewish congregations are now infusing contemporary rock music with worship songs, such as Congregation Ner Tamid's Shabbatones rock band, to attract people in their 20s and 30s. Other religious congregations have beefed up the media elements of their services and are exploring the world of Internet blogs and podcasts to connect with technology-savvy young adults.

Several religious leaders, however, say they are still struggling to consistently sponsor events or ministries specifically designed for singles in that 20-to-40 age group. Because of the inherently transient nature of that target audience, most ministries cyclically struggle to remain vibrant and relevant, religious leaders say.

Leaders of singles groups say they also face a paradox of wanting to foster romantic relationships but knowing that once they happen, those couples may leave the group, and without that support, grow distant from their faith.

Speaking confidentially, pastors and church members shared stories of people in Christian singles groups who adopt lifestyles that wouldn't be approved by the group - such as premarital sex - and end up leaving the group out of guilt. Another concern: Couples who spring out of the singles groups will later break up, creating friction within the group.

"Singles ministry is probably the most difficult ministry to keep going," said Randall Birk, campus ministry pastor at University United Methodist Church.

Singles groups also have a stigma to them, religious leaders and parishioners say. They are considered old-fashioned, are magnets for socially desperate singles or attract people who - leaders cringe to admit - are single for a reason.

It makes sense that people of faith would look to their congregation to find a spouse, but ultimately, religious leaders say, finding a spouse has to be a byproduct of spending time with other believers and not the main reason for attending a singles group.

Most relationships grow out of spending time alongside each other - whether in church, on a sports team, on a community project, at work or in a classroom, said Layla Hanash, campus staff member for the InterVarsity Rebel Christian Fellowship.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is widely regarded as expert in promoting single groups, offering young adults the option of attending singles-only church services and hosting regular regional activities where Mormons can meet other Mormons.

"The ultimate goal is to provide an opportunity for friendship and fellowship, to bring people together who are like-minded in terms of their standards, and to provide an opportunity for people to meet and get acquainted, and if they are so inclined, to see more of each other," Ace Robinson, a local Mormon spokesman, said.

Despite the difficulties in keeping singles groups going, the reality is that many young adults are "thirsty for spiritual direction," said David Zeamer, associate director for the Roman Catholic-based St. Thomas Aquinas Newman Community at UNLV. The center attracts many singles in their 20s and 30s from all over the valley as those people feel left out of traditional parish life because of the church's focus on the family. "They don't have a spouse, or a family, they don't have to worry about those dynamics yet and so they are looking to get spiritually fed with material that fits their needs and concerns," Zeamer said.

Some Christian and Catholic leaders are looking at staging their own versions of Vodka Latka, but Sarno said there is one benefit Jews will always have: Everyone is a matchmaker.

Even among older crowds, women check out the young fellows for their nieces, Sarno said.

"If you are single, you better watch out," Sarno said. "We can't help it. It is in the DNA."

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