Laying down rules can ease life with roommates

By Judy Miller Gerard

Wednesday, March 11, 2009 | 4:03 p.m.

From time to time, those of us who live alone consider the possibility of sharing our homes with another person, perhaps a friend or relative. It could be from loneliness, or it could simply be that we'd like to have someone with whom to share the expenses and responsibilities involved in maintaining a home.

In any case, sharing a home with another person can be a marvelous experience, or it can turn out to be an absolute nightmare. While it is not possible to plan perfectly, there are a number of things we can look at beforehand that will help in making a wise choice of housemates and then help in creating a more harmonious live-in experience.

My husband and I shared our home many times over the years with people who simply needed a place to be, and we learned a lot about guidelines that were helpful in putting together a home for people of varying lifestyles who were newly sharing a home.

Naturally those guidelines basically reflect our own personalities and lifestyles; however, we were open to ideas and suggestions from other members of the household — and the finished product did work!

Even though your experience and your people will be different, our guidelines can nevertheless serve you well as a place to begin, and then you will naturally add to or extract from the list as you go along, so that you will ultimately have your own set of guidelines that suit you. Here are some we all agreed to that worked for us:

• Someone must be in charge, perhaps the homeowner, unless otherwise designated.
• We will meet and together draw up some ground rules to assist in maintaining a congenial plan for everyone to share in the responsibilities of maintaining the home and grounds.
• Common areas shared by all of us, and for which we're all responsible for keeping neat and clean, are the living room, dining area, kitchen, bathroom(s) and yards. Do not leave personal items in these areas.
• Personal clothing and belongings should be kept in your bedroom.
• We will each make a written list of "pet peeves" — small, seemingly insignificant things that drive us right up the wall — so others can avoid them. If we share and post those lists, they can help in avoiding tensions.
• Privacy must be respected. A closed bedroom door should signify no entry without permission, except in case of emergency.
• Make a written plan for dividing up household and yard chores, and each person be responsible for doing them as designated. Post this written schedule on the refrigerator.
• Make a plan for meals, including foods everyone likes, and assign each person some meals to make. Post this on the fridge.
• Make a group decision on criteria for personal hygiene and mode of dress in our home.
• Have a household meeting once a week to discuss what's going well and what isn't. Share suggestions, ideas.
• If you have a problem, talk it through.
• Make a group decision as to how to deal with undone chores, etc.
• Be loyal to each other. Do not say negative, unkind things about the other folks in the household.
• Practice thoughtfulness, courtesy and kindness with each other.
• Plan to have fun times together.
• If a financial arrangement is made, then the amount due and the due date must be clearly understood and honored. If payment is not received within 10 days of the due date, then you should have your plan of action in mind, and do it.

I know there are some families who have had to unexpectedly and unavoidably share their homes with relatives who have lost their jobs and/or homes. Even though the circumstances of coming together are not the same, if you will practice as many of the suggestions above as possible, you will find it helps in maintaining a more peaceful home atmosphere.

Whatever our home situation, if each of us is willing to be mindful of our words and actions, that they are not hurtful or harmful to someone in the household, that will go a long way toward making our home a kinder, gentler place to be.

Judy Miller Gerard is a Henderson senior and can be reached c/o the Home News, 2360 Corporate Circle, Third Floor, Henderson, NV 89074; by fax at 434-3527 or e-mail at [email protected].