A poem composed entirely of lines spoken by machines in the Las Vegas Pinball Hall of Fame

By Kristen Peterson

Wednesday, March 31, 2010 | 1:30 p.m.

What the hell are you all staring at? ^[1]

Three kilos of pure dirt. ^[2]

I don’t want to know what’s in there. ^[3]

A shrunken head! ^[4]

Ah, camel poo. ^[5]

This is not normal. ^[6]

We gotta save the children. ^[7]

Get your hands off me—all four of them. ^[8]

I am the king of pain. Welcome to my kingdom. ^[9]

I can take you. I may be short, but I’m mean. ^[10]

Oh no, super fart bumpers! ^[11]

This is the only person I’ve witnessed pick his nose and masturbate at the same time. ^[12]

But no one can see this news program so it doesn’t matter what we say. ^[13]

We are not amused. ^[14]

^[1] South Park

^[2] Waterworld

^[3] Elvira

^[4] Gilligan's Island

^[5] South Park

^[6] Family Guy

^[7] South Park

^[8] Attack From Mars

^[9] Medieval Madness

^[10] Medieval Madness

^[11] South Park

^[12] Family Guy

^[13] Family Guy

^[14] Medieval Madness