Las Vegas Sun

September 2, 2014

Currently: 96° — Complete forecast | Log in | Create an account

The Gazillionaire: No, thanks, Robin Leach, on writing a guest column!

Image

Hyde Bellagio

The Gazillionaire and his “Absinthe” castmates celebrate at Hyde Bellagio on Tuesday, Jan. 29, 2013.

The Gazillionaire at Hyde Bellagio

The Gazillionaire and his Launch slideshow »

Gazillionaire, Tony Hsieh and Golden Shoes

The Gazillionaire presents golden alligator shoes to Tony Hsieh. Launch slideshow »

While Robin Leach heads to the East Coast and London before his traditional summer vacation under the Tuscan sun in Italy — plus, the Amalfi Coast this year — many of our Strip personalities have stepped forward in his absence to pen their own words of wisdom. We continue today with the stars of “Absinthe” at Caesars Palace: The Gazillionaire, his assistant Penny Pibbets and singer Melody Sweets.

By The Gazillionaire

Sorry, Robin!

Last year, Robin Leach asked me to fill his not-quite-as-big-as-mine shoes and write an article for him. I made my assistant Penny Pibbets do most of the work, but I still had to concentrate and think of some things. Even though I went at it full-Hemingway, with scotch in hand, it seemed like more work than it was worth.

I mean, who reads the newspaper? And even more ridiculous — a newspaper on the Internet. Where are we — England?!

However, apparently my article was one of the most read articles in the world that day. The Las Vegas Sun and Vegas DeLuxe websites had more hits that day than they did the rest of the year combined.

So, when Robin came groveling back to me on hands and knees and begged me to please write just one more article, I, of course, said no. I hate to see a man beg, plus, we were in the steam room of a very exclusive and private club, so I had to have him thrown out.

I love Robin. We are friends and go way back. We have eaten a lot of rare caviar together and drank a lot of really expensive champagne.

(That’s where the whole caviar dreams thing came from, by the way. Robin and I would mix caviar and mushrooms together till we tripped so hard we would dream we were riding clouds of caviar through champagne skies. Monte Carlo in the 1980s; what a time.)

But sometimes asking someone to write 500 words with a month’s notice is just asking too much.

Last year at this time, I was producing some crap little circus in front of Caesars Palace, and I thought “at least the article will bring in a few ticket sales.” Now, “Absinthe” sells more tickets per day than all the Cirque du Soleil shows and Carrot Top combined.

That being said, I don’t have time to write some cute little gossip article that a bunch of locals are going to read and then complain that they have to go all the way to the Strip to see this show they have heard about. You guys stay Downtown at your Park on Fremont and Commonwealth and cool little bars with atmosphere and patios and no slot machines. This is Las Vegas!

I am writing this from a table at Tryst where I have three bottles of Crystal and I’m hanging with a famous black guy that I think is a rapper but might be Terrence Howard. Either way, people keep asking to take a photo with him, but no one says his name, so I am pretty sure it’s Terrence Howard. There also are a lot of girls in tube skirts holding their shoes. That is how you spend an evening in Las Vegas.

So, I apologize to the hordes of fans waiting in anticipation for my words of wisdom and enlightenment to get you through another year. My enticing stories of the inner circles of the Las Vegas elite will have to wait. I am a busy man with a hit show, and you are Las Vegas locals who have cooler things to do like go to Art Square and see independently produced “plays” by Las Vegas natives at Cockroach Theater. They think theater is art! What a joke. It’s about giving people crap that they will pay a lot of money to see.

Speaking of that, I am off to Amsterdam to look for a new lesbian act. While I’m away, skip paying your rent and come check out “Absinthe.”

Check out our other guest columns today from the two other “Absinthe” stars, and on Wednesday look for guest columns from Scott Willis and Wade McCollum, two of the lead actors from “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” at The Venetian, and guest host Ian Ziering of Chippendales at The Rio.

Robin Leach has been a journalist for more than 50 years and has spent the past decade giving readers the inside scoop on Las Vegas, the world’s premier platinum playground.

Follow Robin Leach on Twitter at Twitter.com/Robin_Leach.

Follow Vegas DeLuxe on Twitter at Twitter.com/vegasdeluxe.

Follow VDLX Editor Don Chareunsy on Twitter at Twitter.com/VDLXEditorDon.

Join the Discussion:

Check this out for a full explanation of our conversion to the LiveFyre commenting system and instructions on how to sign up for an account.

Full comments policy