Las Vegas Sun

July 23, 2019

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Ice Ice Billy

Ice Ice revisits a year of blogs

It has been pointed out to me by a figment of imagination, a trick of the brain and a voice in the night that since Nov. 1, 2011, there are untied strings that, unless promptly knotted, may require a late adoption of Velcro technology. And so, here now is a bit of useless follow up, save an item or three.

In the time it's taken the world population to grow by 75 million in just a year, to an estimated 7,075,525,765, I have failed to buy a bridge from Kentucky and place it in my neighborhood and a plan to turn my home into a tribute to the television classic Green Acres now sits on the honeydew list of throwing away unmatched socks.

Las Vegas Wranglers players will again participate in Movember to aid in the awareness of cures for prostate cancer by sporting questionable mustaches and wearing special blue uniforms on Nov. 30 when they play the visiting Orlando Solar Bears.

The asteroid roulette board, while certain to spin off tons of cash, never left the drawing board as it could not be determined as to where to place a stage for a lounge act.

Dolly the Sheep has taken control of a life that mirrored a Greek tragedy by taking a cruise ship gig, and is now killing it on the Mediterranean. Plus, she is down to a pack a day.

We can add another dumb sports quote from yours truly as I was corrected that the blue used in Alaska Aces uniforms is not, as I claimed, Carolina Blue. It is, in fact, a blue more associated and identified with the state of Alaska. Most of us south of Seward were not aware of the nuance, and so apologies are in order.

Sorry, North Carolina.

Across the pond at Manchester United, five-year-old recruit Charlie Jackson is now six-year-old recruit Charlie Jackson, and is currently on his second wife, having learned that replying "mahna mahna" to everything cannot, actually, solve every problem.

No further information could be found — in the time I was willing to actually look — on the world's oldest divorcees, Antonio and Rosa C., ages 99 and 96, respectively. The Italian couple divorced after Antonio found love letters involving another man that Rosa had stashed away some 60 years before. It is assumed that Rosa chose to take her 50 percent settlement in one up-front payment.

The World Meteorological Organization has placed Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop on next season's hurricane names list, not realizing a person of the same name had been arrested on drug and weapons charges. This is a nuance they reportedly caught just before releasing a list several years ago that included the name "O.J."

In Williamsburg, N.Y., Sam no longer takes Sean to Knicks games, and back here at home, Formula 1 driver Kimi Räikkönen's scheduled appearance was never scheduled, nor was it an appearance. My dog, Kimi Räikkönen, however, is fed regularly.

During the great Las Vegas Wranglers 2012 playoff run, I finally visited the Alaska Aces' Death Star in person, only to learn it is actually made of Lego blocks.

The B key on my laptop is working again, but it has stopped working on my iPhone. And speaking of Bs, the bees that caused a delay in an Arizona Diamondbacks spring training game have retained Dolly the Sheep's agent, and are rebranding themselves as the Jabberwock-bees.

No news can be found confirming authorities in Melbourne, Australia, have identified the four men who literally jumped out on a bar tab from 55 stories above street level. It is assumed, however, that investigators viewed with great interest Felix Baumgartner's jump from space looking for any sign of a swizzle stick and some Goldfish crumbs.

Locally, Stratosphere headliner Frankie Moreno is blowing up as evidenced by his recent joyous appearance on "Dancing with the Stars," Paul Villaluz's national anthem is missed by Wranglers fans, and Brian and Lynn McMullan are again preparing for another heroic season of St. Baldrick's fundraising to help kids with cancer.

Alonso Winkleman is still missing, and I'd like to think Mayor Bubba is still holding court at a number of Key West's bars and live music venues. The Alaska Aces, however, have replaced their fembots with a number of locked out NHL players. At least we are assured of the whereabouts of a few guys that were missing.

McFly, the millionaire fly, has passed on from its short life, and left its fortune to many, many offspring that are now referred to by 99% of all flies as "one-percenter-maggots."

Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band play in Anaheim on Dec. 4, and in Phoenix on Dec. 6, where North American audiences will head to the mountaintop once more and greet him without the use of rolled Rs.

In the NHL, thousands of arena workers, from ushers to fry cooks to ticket takers, are missing minimum-wage paychecks from cancelled NHL games while NHL owners and players have yet to agree on how to divide $42 gazillion.

And as for me, I'm still out five bucks. I rifle through the mail each day, but still no parcel from gas station con man Joe the Engineer-at-a-major-Strip-property, which allows me to bring my cost per blog mention of Joe down to just $2.50.

Billy Johnson is the president and chief operating officer of the Las Vegas Wranglers.

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