Las Vegas Sun

March 28, 2024

Justin’s tournament takes a bogey in star power

NOW:

Here's an idea for the people who run the Justin Timberlake Shriners Hospital for Children Open, or at least the people who work with Justin's people in an attempt to attract the kind of beautiful people (read: celebrities) ... who, in turn, would attract enough regular people to the golf course to keep the tournament alive until somebody can pretty please talk Tiger Woods into coming back.

Get that Frank Caliendo guy to come. Then let him play each hole as a different personality. No. 1, John Madden; No. 2, Al Pacino; No. 3, George Bush; No. 4, Charles Barkley and Bill Walton; No. 5, Donald Trump; No. 6, Robin Williams; No. 7, the cast of "Seinfeld" .... and so forth.

To use the expression of the day, there were too many Joe the Plumbers walking around the practice tee and putting green to elevate Wednesday's Pro-Am from necessary evil into something worth seeing.

But St. Andrews wasn't built in a day. I'm sure next year will be better.

Timberlake, whose name and contacts were supposed to give the tournament much-needed pizzazz in a town known for it, repeatedly said he wanted to reach out to celebrities who knew how to get up and down, knew how to play a little bit. Had he said a very little bit, it almost would have described Amanda Beard.

The Olympic swimmer who posed for "Playboy" without her wood covers held up play longer than a thunder and lightning storm. Her first two shots at TPC Summerlin traveled a grand total of 30 yards combined.

Beard was among a handful of celebrities who tried hard to entertain the minuscule galleries. When I last saw her, there were two people watching her burn worms.

Greg Kinnear, the actor, literally said "hello" to everyone in his gallery. There were six hellos.

An 'N Sync fan who was riding the media shuttle said Luke Wilson, the actor, also was friendly. There were no witnesses to corroborate her story.

Janet Gretzky, who used to be the actress Janet Jones before she married the Greatest Hockey Player Who Ever Lived (besides Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull and Bobby Orr), played before a gallery of one as she came up No. 9 to make the turn -- me.

At least Amanda Beard, who by the time you are reading this is probably coming up the 18th fairway, showed up and tried hard. That's more than George Lopez did. He either missed his tee time or had a bum knee, nobody was quite sure which.

Only the host attracted a crowd. Timberlake was a pied piper in golf togs as about 200 spectators followed his every move. (Although I'd bet at least 25 of them -- the ones wearing Bermuda shorts with black socks and sandals -- were there to see Fred Couples.

But once Ellen DeGeneres, easily the star of the day, stopped clowning around -- she tagged along with Timberlake for a hole before dancing off toward the parking lot -- the buzz that had been building at the TPC quickly turned into the same buzz that has characterized this tournament for years, or ever since Tiger stopped playing here.

That of a few lonely cicadas and John Daly fans.

THEN:

A few years ago, they used to hold VH1's Fairway to Heaven golf tournament in conjunction with our PGA stop, where the likes of Alice Cooper, Hootie from the Blowfish, Joe Pesci, Roseanne, assorted Baldwin brothers and members of Cheap Trick would bang the little white ball around.

As soon as his group was out of sight of the clubhouse, Bill Murray would reach into a big tub of beer that was supposed to be for players only -- and distribute its entire contents among the thirsty gallery.

That was awesome. Totally awesome.

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