Las Vegas Sun

August 22, 2019

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Now what am I’m gonna do?


A few computer science and journalist majors at Northwestern have finished developing a program called "StatsMonkey" which supposedly is capable of writing a sports story from statistics.

Well, I suppose there's always early retirement.

What they should have developed is a program that will stop Wisconsin from running the ball down their football team's throat, but that's just a bitter sports writer talking.


Ann-Margret attended Northwestern but didn't graduate, probably because they didn't have a computer program that could ace an English Lit final while you sang and danced.

Then, too, it might have been because when you have legs like Ann-Margret, who needs English Literature?

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