Las Vegas Sun

March 29, 2024

Divorced parents face challenge of making ends meet with less

Danita Gant remembers when her main concerns were making sure her hair and nails were immaculately kept and her jewelry matched her designer clothes.

But that's all changed.

These days, Gant spends her time cutting and affixing sheet metal to construction projects around town. Her designer clothes have been replaced by worn blue jeans, a T-shirt and steel-toed work boots. Her once-fashionable hairdo has been tied and tucked under a hard hat.

Five years ago, this mother of three daughters joined the ranks of tens of thousands across the nation who suddenly find themselves in the precarious position of trying to survive a divorce. Gant and her husband legally parted ways in 1991 after being separated since 1988.

"The scariest thing was what I was going to do about food and paying the utilities," said Gant, now 31. "What was I going to do about income? I only had a part-time job when I was married. Before, I just went out and bought what I wanted. My husband handled the money and took care of paying the bills."

Jag Mehta, an associate professor of finance at UNLV, said many women and some men who have been dependent on their spouses have little knowledge and lack the confidence to manage money and household affairs following a divorce.

"As we get raises in normal jobs, we have time to adjust," Mehta said of the human psyche. "But when they get divorced, they don't know what is too much or too little to spend. If they are working part-time, it usually is not very much to begin with."

The issue has resonance in Clark County, where 28.7 percent of the households were headed by single parents in 1990. Nationally, the figure was 23.9 percent.

Clark County also had a higher-than-average share of single-parent homes headed by men -- roughly 25 percent, according to the U.S. Census. Nationwide, more than 80 percent of such households were run by women.

In 1994, the U.S. percentage of single-family households rose to 26.3 percent. No more recent numbers were available locally.

Spending control

New divorcees tend to overspend on housing expenses and clothing at first, Mehta said. In desperation, they sometimes use credit cards as a quick fix when money runs short.

"Newly divorced people who were never in control of money before also spend more money because they are now single and go out a lot," Mehta said. "They want nice clothes to go out, and so they spend even more money."

Mehta said the key to adjusting after a divorce is to spend less and still maintain the same quality of life. Impossible? Mehta doesn't think so.

Most people tend to spend 95 to 97 percent of their income, he said. If people learn to spend 80 to 90 percent and save the rest, then they should stay out of the red.

"I tell ladies to buy wisely. Look for sales," Mehta said. "Look for clothing items that can be mixed and matched. If you go out to eat, use coupons or two-for-one dinner offers."

Mehta believes a newly divorced person also should immediately start thinking about retirement. He believes a savings account should be set up, while a financial planner can be helpful in establishing a portfolio of investments.

"I tell them they should invest all of their money over three to five years," Mehta said. "A lady has no retirement from marriage and no Social Security. Generally, ladies start to feel good about themselves when they learn how to control their money."

To help with self-confidence, Mehta suggests taking college-level financial classes.

Support groups

Learning to become self-sufficient is what spurred Diane Chambers to form Las Vegas-based Sole Mothers International, a nonprofit support group for single parents. It began in 1991 as a church group of divorced women pooling their resources to help each other cope.

Chambers, 36, was married at age 20 and had two children, 5 and 6 years old, by the time she was divorced in 1990. She was working as a secretary, making $20,000 a year, when her husband left. Her household income was instantly cut by two-thirds. Faced with an $800-a-month mortgage, she was desperate.

"We (at the Central Christian Church) wanted to get together and talk about practical issues," Chambers said. "We wanted to learn how to acquire new skills -- how to fix our cars, how to handle depression over the holidays."

She started inviting professional people to talk to her group. A case worker gave advice on obtaining child support. A female general manager of a tire store told how to buy and maintain tires. Mechanics showed the women how to change their oil and windshield wipers.

"It's easy to wallow in the negative," Chambers said. "You need to take that negative and use it to prepare yourself. I set up a schedule: Work 8 to 5, put the kids in day care, pick them up and come home and make dinner. I made it a ritual every night to spend an hour with them before they went to bed."

Chambers also enrolled in communications classes at the Community College of Southern Nevada. She took a sales clerk position at a local heavy equipment company. She free-lanced for a public relations firm, too.

"I knew it was going to be hard, but I knew I could handle it because I was working toward a goal," Chambers said. "I made a conscious decision that I was going to be what I wanted to be before I got back into a relationship. I feel there is a high recurrence of divorce because many people remarry out of being needy."

Chambers did get married again, but not until she transferred to UNLV and received a degree in communications.

Now she's writing a book, "Solo Parenting: Raising Happy and Healthy Families." It's a step-by-step process for new single parents, guiding them in getting their emotional state on track. It also tells people how to find helpful community agencies.

In conjunction with the success of the Sole Mothers' support group, Chambers has started a newsletter and a Web site on the Internet. You can reach her by e-mail at [email protected].

Too young for marriage

One of the single parents helped by Sole Mothers via Chamber's Web site is Stephen Boyce, 29, of West Virginia. Nine years ago, his girlfriend got pregnant and they were married shortly thereafter. The marriage didn't last a year. Boyce took custody of their son, William.

As an immature single parent, Boyce suffered in self-imposed martyrdom. He gave up his own needs -- sometimes not feeding or bathing himself -- to satisfy his son's demands. He did this while going to Concord College as a medical student five days a week.

Boyce would arise at 6:30 a.m. every day, dress himself and his son, fix breakfast and then drop William off at day care. After he picked his son up, he'd make dinner for him, spend a little quality time together and eat his own dinner between 9:30 and 10 p.m. Then Boyce would stay up until 1 a.m. studying. Three times a week, he worked from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. as a nursing assistant at a rehabilitation hospital.

"I did this with a lot of caffeine and a lot of food," Boyce said. "As far as going out to catch a movie or have dinner, that was a rarity."

Boyce had to quit medical school after a year because of the strain. However, today he makes a good living as an immunologist's research assistant.

"The love now is to show William how to shoot a basketball or answer his questions," Boyce said. "I am very comfortable with my values, and I've done a lot of repair of my health (after taking drugs). William and I have a very good relationship."

Boyce advises single parents to read and research the subject of raising children.

"It's the mother who teaches a child how to take care of needs. She's better at nurturing," Boyce said. "The father teaches them how to survive, about worldly tasks. Reading is so important. A father can get the information from somewhere. There's no excuse."

When things go haywire

The toughest thing Cherri Cruz, 33, had to overcome following her divorce was the realization that she couldn't stay home full time and take care of her daughter, Rhiannon, born in November 1994.

Married that same year and divorced a year later, Cruz, who had quit her job to raise her baby, had always considered herself self-sufficient. But despite degrees in computers and hotel administration, she found herself emotionally distraught, financially strapped.

"Mom sent money and came out from New York to watch my daughter during the day, while I filled out applications to get a job," Cruz said. "I went through Manpower (temporary job services) to get a job."

Today, Cruz works 29 hours a week in marketing for a local chemical laboratory. She gets about $300 a month from her former husband and child-care assistance from the Economic Opportunity Board. She also qualifies for Medicare.

"I really think it takes at least two people to raise a child, if not more," Cruz said. "You also need to find a very flexible job with a boss who understands that you have to leave when your child gets sick. My No. 1 priority is my daughter and not my job.

"I need to make a plan for the future. I will never depend on anyone else for my daughter's and my well being again."

Diane Chambers of Sole Mothers agrees with that philosophy.

"You need to get out of that needy stage," she said. "In Las Vegas, there are a lot of government programs, but they aren't funded. So a single parent doesn't know that they are out there. You have to take charge yourself and find them."

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