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June 17, 2019

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jon ralston:

A candidate’s ideal press conference

News item: GOP Senate nominee Sharron Angle tells Fox News she wanted the media to be her friend and: “We wanted them (the media) to ask the questions we want to answer so that they report the news the way we want it reported.”

The cameramen were ready, the reporters had their pads out. The Sharron Angle news conference was about to begin. You could almost feel the excitement.

Her communications team passed out sheets of paper to each media member. I have changed their names to protect the guilty. Here’s how it went:

Randy Jackson: “So these are the questions on this sheet that you want us to ask, Assemblywoman?”

Angle: “Oh, please, call me Sharron. I want the press to be my friend.”

Rhonda Jones: “OK, Sharron. Love your suit. So, if you don’t mind, I’ll start: How damaging has Harry Reid been to the economy here?”

Angle: “Great question, Rhonda. He has been waterboarding the economy — that’s one word for your notes — and we have to get rid of Obamacare, bailouts and deficits. Am I talking too fast?”

Ricky Johnson: “Sharron, it’s your friend, Ricky. If I am reading this sheet right, my question is: Don’t you think Harry Reid just wants to make deals in Washington?”

Angle: “Another excellent question. You guys are on today. Yes, ‘Let’s Make a Deal’ Harry Reid always puts the special interests above We the People. We need to take back our government.”

Roland Justice: “Hey, Sharron. Thanks again for dinner last night. Your house is lovely. Anyhow, my question is: Don’t you think that Harry Reid and President Obama and Speaker Nancy Pelosi have lost touch with the American people?”

Angle: “Very insightful question, Roland. Reid-Obama-Pelosi are mortgaging our country’s future. That’s why the Tea Party rose up for mainstream America. We will no longer put up with our leaders in Washington.”

Ralph Jones: “Nice answer, Sharron. Hey, I don’t want to be too tough but I need to ask this: Do you think Harry Reid favors amnesty?”

Angle: “That is a little hard-hitting, Ralph. But I’ll take a stab at it. Yes, he does and his position on the Arizona law says it all. He and his type in Washington are for open border and amnesty.”

Renata Juloski: “Hi, Sharron. Don’t you think it’s terribly unfair how Reid’s campaign has run all those negative ads and twisted your words and distracted from the real issues of the day?”

Angle: “I am glad I am not the only one to see it that way. I never said I would phase out Social Security or that the unemployed were spoiled or that it was part of God’s plan to force raped women to have a baby. It’s all just nonsense by Dirty Harry Reid.”

Robert Jidles: “Dirty Harry! Good one, Sharron. Hey, my bosses were wondering if we could shoot kind of a ‘Day in the Life of Sharron Angle’ special for our website. It would be like your great campaign commercials — the ones that show you talking to those audiences and they all agree with you. You up for that?”

Angle: “Absolutely. That’s what people really want to see. How hard I am working out there on the trail, not making deals in back rooms. I am talking to real people about real problems, not living in some fancy condo in Washington.”

Randall Jasper: “Sharron, when you said in that ad that we are living in a fearful society, you meant that Harry Reid is frightening people with his policies, right?”

Angle: “Exactly. People out there are scared for their lives. That’s why I talked about people wanting to use those Second Amendment remedies.”

(An aide whispers in her ear.)

Angle: “Oh, can we strike that last comment? It was off the record.”

Chorus of media: “Of course.”

Angle: “One last question and then I must go. These press conferences can be so exhausting.”

Reilly Johanson: “Sharron, do you think Harry Reid might be the spawn of Satan?”

Angle: “I don’t know if I would go that far. But I know, as God is my witness, that many of Reid’s policies are evil and are destroying the greatest nation on Earth. I was sent here to stop him and I will.”

A member of Angle’s communications team asks the press assemblage if anyone has any follow-ups. (Much head-shaking.)

Angle: “So you all have the website, right?”

Chorus of media: “”

Angle: “And the agreement is you’ll put it at the end of your stories.”

(Much nodding.)

Angle: “Thanks, friends. I just love the First Amendment. This is what a free press is all about.”

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