Las Vegas Sun

December 14, 2017

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Letter to the editor:

The Gazillionaire worthy of a street name

Editor’s note: Normally, the Las Vegas Sun requires that authors of letters to the editor identify themselves by their legal names. But in the irreverent style of “Absinthe,” the popular Strip show that features the author of this letter, we’ve made an exception.

In the spirit of National Letter Writing Day, today, I’m writing to express my concern for one of the biggest and most exciting ideas to hit Las Vegas since the rhinestone!

Recently, while on a trip to the National Jewelry Center to pawn my seriously ill mother’s wedding ring, an idea came to me ... as I walked straight into the pole of a street sign outside the shop. Dazed and looking up at the street signs on the corner of Jerry Lewis Way and Dean Martin Drive, it hit me — why doesn't my boss (read: best friend), the one and only host and producer of "Absinthe" at Caesars Palace, The Gazillionaire, have a street named after him?

In October, I launched a grass-roots campaign urging Clark County to rename one of the city's forgotten cul-de-sacs to Gazillionaire Court. My thinking here is that he spends most of his time in court anyway, so turning some dead-end street into a court named after him would be the most beautiful and fitting of tributes. I mean, The Gazillionaire is the best possible boss anyone could ever dream of … he lets me onstage to introduce him during the show every night, and I get to bring him drinks, take his suits to the dry cleaners, and basically be on call 24/7. It’s such a joy that the idea of getting paid as well just doesn’t seem fair.

To the wonderful people of Las Vegas, whom I consider every one a dearest friend: I hope that you will join me today in busting out the paper and pen — or email if your boss lets you have computer access for more than three minutes a day — to write a letter to the county encouraging them to consider this historic monument marking … or any issue that’s important to you, for that matter!

Today, it’s more important than ever to stand up for what you believe and carbo load … er ... carpet diesel? Seize the day! Whether you’ll join me in recognizing the actual most interesting man in the world (sorry Dos Equis guy!) or pushing your own agenda to be the first to produce the very first show on Mars … the universe is your clam!

To support my mission, please sign my Change.org petition here. Clark County, put up that sign!