Thursday, Oct. 8, 2020 | 2 a.m.
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Five years after the Supreme Court’s landmark decision extending marriage rights to gay men and lesbians nationwide, some believe that same-sex marriage has become “old hat.” After all, more than 500,000 same-sex couples in the United States are married, including the two of us.
But despite gains in legal rights, economic opportunities and public acceptance, the LGBTQ community faces continued challenges from an increasingly conservative-leaning Supreme Court, the GOP, religious groups and the Trump administration in areas ranging from adoption and foster care to the rights of transgender people to join the military.
And 30 states — including Nevada — still ban same-sex marriage in their state constitutions. Granted, these bans, at least for the present, are toothless. However, as Nevadans, our state’s highest legal document still tells couples like us that we aren’t entitled to share in all the privileges a marriage affords a heterosexual couple, including the ability to participate in medical decisions for one another, should the need arise.
It matters that Nevada’s constitution sends the message that we, and thousands of other LGBTQ citizens like us, aren’t entitled to all the rights and privileges afforded married couples. We are homeowners, taxpayers and business owners. That’s why we are publicly speaking out to ask all eligible Nevada voters to vote YES on Question 2, which recognizes marriage between couples regardless of gender and removes verbiage that defines marriage as only between a male and a female.
A yes vote says to all Nevadans that LGBTQ+ persons are part of families, form couples, raise children, care for aging parents, get sick, have preexisting conditions and enjoy long-lasting and healthy marriages. In fact, we know gay couples who have been together for 25 years or celebrate golden anniversaries.
Our story isn’t all that different than many lesbian couples. While Mona was married to a wonderful man and the father of her two sons, Tammy was serving her country in the U.S. Coast Guard.
As time progressed, Mona struggled with coming out, resulting in the real possibility of losing her children as a known lesbian under Florida laws, if divorced. At that time, Tammy was facing the consequences of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” mandate for the U.S. military. She met a fellow female military member and maintained a long-term loving relationship — constantly living with the fear she would lose her career if there was even a rumor of a relationship.
Eventually, seeking a more accepting environment, Mona divorced and settled in Nevada as a single mom raising two sons, and as a trained court reporter, launched a successful transcription company in 1997. Yet she remained cautious about disclosing her sexual orientation because of her governmental clientele. In 2006, Mona also began her career as a professional photographer, continuing to downplay her sexual orientation for fear of the negative financial consequences.
During this time, Tammy was on her own path; she transitioned from active duty to a reservist in the U.S. Coast Guard, moved to Louisiana, and pursued her master’s degree in social work.
Like many couples these days, we met online and fell in love. Eight months into a long-distance relationship, we moved in together to begin our lives as a couple in Las Vegas. While there’s an intimacy and comfort that comes from knowing another person so well, neither of us was content with “playing house.” We would settle for nothing less than being married.
In 2013, we officially joined our lives, first with a civil marriage ceremony in California because Nevada would not allow us to marry. A few months later in 2014, we publicly and spiritually celebrated our love during a traditional wedding ceremony performed by a minister “before God” and attended by family and friends in Louisiana.
But our desire to see Nevada’s constitution changed to define marriage between couples regardless of gender goes deeper than a legal issue. Banning same-sex marriage gives people permission to hate, to be judgmental, to discriminate. It provides coverage for those who want us to continue living with just enough fear to prevent us from fully and openly being ourselves.
For those who can’t understand living with an underlying feeling of being unsafe, allow us a few more moments to share a brief story, which may at first seem a bit off topic. The experience served as a small, but important aha! moment for a straight friend. While certainly not the same, it may help further understanding.
We were discussing the underlying sense of not feeling safe that LGBTQ+ people often feel. When the conversation eventually turned to politics, she told me about being afraid to overtly express her support of Joe Biden. She feared that putting a Biden sign in her yard would cause Trump supporters to damage her home. She was cautious about expressing public support for Biden, fearful that her car would be keyed or worse. My friend said she has never experienced feeling “just not safe” for just being herself. My response: That’s how we feel every day. Let that sink in for a moment.
Now, of course, changing the Nevada constitution won’t change those who hate, at least not overnight. It does, however, say to us and all LGBTQ+ persons that the state we call home acknowledges us as equal citizens and that we are entitled to love and marry the person we choose.
Whether you vote by mail, vote early or vote on Election Day — the time has come for Nevadans to demand that our state constitution recognize marriage between couples regardless of gender. Please vote YES on Question 2.
Mona Shield-Rice and Tammy Shield-Rice are residents of Henderson.
