Monday, April 26, 2021 | 2 a.m.
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Spring is here, folks! I know things aren’t really normal yet. But they seem to be coming around. Picnics! Movies! Sooner or later we’ll all actually be going to work at … work. And before your socializing gets into full swing, let’s make sure you’re caught up on everything that’s been going on in the wonderful world of politics.
1. Donald Trump celebrated his post-presidential Easter by …
A. Hiding some eggs where Eric and Don Jr. couldn’t find them. B. Claiming the election was rigged. C. Donning bunny ears and passing out treats along our southern border.
2. Sen. Steve Daines, R-Mont., took a trip to view the immigrant problems on the Mexican border and bemoaned the flood of drugs coming into the country. Daines said that back in his home state, methamphetamine, or “meth,” used to be …
A. Sometimes confused with “math.” B. Nonexistent. C. Homemade.
3. Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Fla., is in trouble for his extremely bouncy sex life. Colleagues in the House reportedly claimed Gaetz used to …
A. Try to sign them up for the Billie Eilish fan club. B. Wander around the House floor showing off nude photos of women he said he’d slept with. C. Sell them cookies on behalf of a niece in the Girl Scouts.
4. Lately, the tireless Mike Lindell of MyPillow fame has …
A. Launched a new social media platform, presumably to remind people that he thinks Trump was reelected. B. Introduced a series of stuffed models of right-wing militia leaders known as Fluffy Friends. C. Announced he’ll be competing in professional wrestling matches as the guy who beats liberal opponents over the head with a throw pillow.
5. Marwa Elselehdar, Egypt’s first female ship’s captain, complained about being barraged by rumors that …
A. She’d been cast as the villain in the next James Bond movie. B. She was the captain of the megaship that blocked the Suez Canal. C. She was dating Matt Gaetz.
6. Andrew Giuliani, Rudy’s son, is reportedly thinking about announcing that he’s …
A. Running for governor. B. Joining the Trump-in-exile forces as a full-time caddy. C. Hiring a new father.
7. Sen. John Cornyn, R-Texas, questioned whether Joe Biden was “really in charge” and pointed to his …
A. Failure to keep Congress updated on budget plans. B. Inconsistent foreign policy. C. Low level of tweeting.
8. The Air Force is developing a new presidential jet, with décor that’s inspired by …
A. The peregrine falcon. B. The bald eagle. C. The German shepherd.
9. Joe Biden’s middle name is …
A. Gamaliel. B. Robinette. C. Hank.
10. In a speech to Republican donors at Mar-a-Lago, Trump referred to Mitch McConnell as …
A. “That guy with no chin.” B. A “dumb son of a bitch.” C. “The Louisville loser.”
11. Gov. Ron DeSantis has been trying to prohibit cruise lines in Florida from …
A. Requiring their passengers be vaccinated. B. Constantly playing “Banana Boat Song.” C. Serving dolphinburgers.
12. We all remember that way back at the beginning of the pandemic in 2020, DeSantis declared that …
A. Professional wrestling was an “essential service.” B. “Nobody ever got sick from eating at a beach restaurant.” C. Miami was the “COVID Fun Capital.”
13. When Texas was hit with a terrible storm, floods and power outages, Sen. Ted Cruz responded by quickly …
A. Reporting for duty as a volunteer at a hostel for the newly homeless. B. Recording a song called “Democrats Dumped the Water.” C. Flying to Cancún, Mexico.
14. When the former House Speaker John Boehner published a memoir that was extremely critical of Cruz, the senator …
A. Told supporters that the First Amendment covered “dolts, too.” B. Suggested donors might get to vote on whether to machine gun, chain-saw or just burn the book. C. Refused to comment, claiming he was still too busy helping with the storm cleanup.
ANSWERS: 1-B, 2-C, 3-B, 4-A, 5-B, 6-A, 7-C, 8-A, 9-B, 10-B, 11-A, 12-A, 13-C, 14-B
Gail Collins is a columnist for The New York Times.
