Local gymnast gets bent out of shape on ESPN

By Ron Kantowski

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 | 3:53 p.m.

NOW

After the Cubs-Reds game Tuesday night, I flipped 57 channels and nothing was on. Except on ESPN, where they had this contortionist who was described as being from Moldova by way of Las Vegas. Or the other way around.

Lilia Stepanova sort of looks like Mary Lou Retton, only she can twist her body into all sorts of shapes, most of which resemble a pretzel. Then she can shoot an arrow with her feet while in one of these contorted positions. Other than that J-Mac kid shooting all those 3's and Mel Kiper's gravity-defying pomadour, it might have been the most amazing thing I've seen on ESPN.

(I guess she lost to Terry Fator on "America's Got Talent" but I don't watch that show.)

Anyway, ESPN showed highlights from halftimes of NBA games (where she's apparently a bigger attraction than the Village People and Eva Longoria's stiletto heels) and other TV shows.

After getting all bent out of shape, little Lilia shot an apple right off Jimmy Kimmel's head.

He's also from Las Vegas but I don't think it's by way of Moldova. Or the other way around.

THEN

From what I can recall, Ted Nugent, who was the Motor City Madman before Bill Laimbeer and the guy who purchased Lions season tickets last year, also was good with a bow and arrow. But he wasn't very good at twisting his body into the shape of a pretzel before shooting at a grizzly bear.

Not that many people are.