Tuesday, March 11, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.
SCIENTISTS have finally discovered the "obesity gene."
It's the reason why some people are thin and others tip the scale at over 300 pounds, they say.
"This is a gene that determines whether a high-fat diet makes you fat or not," said Dr. Richard Surwit of Duke University Medical Center. "We believe it is at the heart of what happens in people who get fat."
It must be true, because on Friday, just a few days after we got the skinny on the fat gene, the Centers for Disease Control announced that Americans are fatter than ever.
The study revealed that more than one-third of adults are overweight -- the highest percentage since Taft was in the White House.
A slew of baby boomers were born with the fat gene. If I could prove it, I'd be a candidate for some big public health award, which would invariably lead to a fellowship at a big university, where I could draw a fat salary and spend as little as six hours a week in the classroom drawing food charts on the blackboard.
Immediately, I headed out to the Rio's Carnival World Buffet, where I ran into gridlock in the form of hundreds of tourists, all shaped like small utility vehicles, waiting to plunk down $8.95 to sample plateful after plateful of culinary delights from around the world.
After an hour in line, I flashed my press pass to the hostess and told her I was doing research.
"You're the third guy who's tried that this week," she said with a laugh. "You guys will do anything for a free meal. It's $8.95, please."
I paid her and breezed in, walking carefully so as not to disrupt any of the tourists balancing three or four plates of ribs, chicken, sausages, pasta, pastries and ice cream.
As I looked around, I saw crowds of heavy people standing around different food kiosks -- each with a different international flavor.
"I don't think they eat like that in South America," I said to one large gentleman loading his plate with fried meats and veggies at the Amazon Grille.
He gave me a foul look, then motioned me to the back of the line.
Later, I stopped at a table where a family was gorging themselves on a side of beef.
"Do any of you know anything about obesity genes?" I asked.
"What kind of food is that?" the father asked between chomps on a rib.
"They must have been serving those at that real crowded food station," his wife said, shaking her gravy-stained cheeks. "I told you we should have waited there."
It was the same reaction at every Strip buffet I visited. Still, I meticulously wrote down all the different types of food items consumed at each buffet, paying close attention to saturated and unsaturated fat contents.
I knew that if I could just detect a pattern in what types of foods are consumed by each person, it could help me pinpoint the obesity gene.
Unfortunately, my research was ruined when an elderly man with bad eyes grabbed my spiral notebook and carried it away on his tray -- probably mistaking it for a day-old piece of baklava.
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