Tuesday, March 18, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.
"DAMN! How could he play a Dolly Parton?"
Those were the last words I heard a poker player say as he stormed out of The Mirage poker room.
Because I'm a poker player, I know a "Dolly Parton" is a two-card Texas hold 'em hand. The cards are a 9 and a 5 -- a reference to her film "9 to 5."
It's a particularly horrible hand, which is why the man who lost to the "Dolly Parton" was so shaken he crumpled up his own hand -- two red aces -- as he stormed out of the poker room.
Afterward, a group of tourists gathered around me, all of them asking, "What's a Dolly Parton?"
Then an idea hit me with the force of a snapped bra strap. Immediately I called a publisher friend of mine in New York.
"They have dictionaries for Scrabble, law, medicine, even culinary arts -- why not a Las Vegas Gambling Dictionary?"
"Great idea," the publisher responded. "Get right on it."
So I began spending all my late-night hours observing the language of players at gaming tables.
Much of it was too vile to be printed in any form, but eventually I started to make some sense of the strange words and phrases I heard night after night.
For example:
* "Paint it!" -- a phrase often used by 21 players when begging the dealer to hit them with a jack, queen or king -- the most colorful cards in the deck. Normally, after fulfilling such a request, the dealer will calmly hit her 16 with a 5.
* "You're beating us like redheaded stepchildren!" -- a phrase disgruntled 21 players say to the dealer who makes 21 after 21 after 21.
* "Oh, no, another natural" -- words bemoaned by disgruntled 21 players when the dealer makes two-card 21 after two-card 21 after two-card 21. These hands are called "blackjacks" or "snappers," a reference to the action of the dealer, who snaps down the hand just before he snaps up all the money.
After I learned all the key gambling terms at the 21 table, I sauntered over to the craps table, where I kept hearing players yell, "Throw the bones!"
This was either a reference to the ivory-colored dice or to the remains of the unfortunate 21 dealer who was attacked by a table of players after making an 11-card 21, which is sometimes referred to as an "unnatural."
Next, I ambled over to the card room, where I heard enough salty language to fill an entire Dictionary of Slang Aboard a Navy Vessel.
But there were some printable phrases.
My favorite was "The usual."
This is a drink comprised of tomato juice with a stick of celery and 12 olives, ordered by many poker players at The Mirage as a nutritional supplement to keep up their strength during 60- or 70-hour sessions at the tables.
After I finished my research, I quickly compiled the dictionary, and my publisher dashed off 50,000 copies.
But at $39.95, sales were abysmal, and the reason for this was explained to me by a poker player who said he "didn't want to cut into his bankroll."
For an explanation of this phrase, turn to Page 47 of the Las Vegas Gambling Dictionary.
"Bankroll" is listed between "bankrupt" and "banjo music."
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