Thursday, March 20, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.
Today is We're Sorry Day here at People in the News. We can't help ourselves; one minute we're noting that Henry Kissinger is now an honorary member of the American Sportscasters Association, and the next we're wondering How many dead Cambodians does it take to receive such an honor? Yes, as of Tuesday and even though, to our knowledge, he has never actually worked as a sportscaster, the former secretary of state can add Howard Cosell manque to a distinguished resume that already includes Nixon henchman, friend to despotic rulers and shill for post-Tiananmen China. Oops, sorry about that! After all, most of the charge sheet against Kissinger is old news -- let's let Saigons be Saigons -- and what's important now is not the governments toppled or the secret bombings, but Special K's long-standing ambition to be a sportscaster. He jokes that he was denied the opportunity because "of my New York accent." We're certainly sorry he never had the chance.
Briefly
*This just in: Adrienne Barbeau has twins! What's new about that, you ask? The 51-year-old actress gave birth to a pair of boys this week in Los Angeles. The father: her hubby, producer and writer Billy Van Zandt.
*Often chased but always chaste, Tori Spelling's character will reportedly surrender her virginity on the season finale of "Beverly Hills, 90210." For seven long, chilly TV seasons, Spelling's Donna Martin has held it in, a pillar of stoic abstinence, while everyone around her did it with wild teenage abandon. No longer! In the May episode, she reportedly turns into a love monkey with her long-suffering boyfriend, the many-earringed David Silver (Brian Austin Green). The Fox network and Spelling would not confirm the report. Tori, trust us, you'll be sorry.
Cable guise
It appears there's a Fox trying to get into cable TV's hen house. Rupert Murdoch has cooked up a $1 billion scheme to beam hundreds of satellite channels into Living Room America. Of course, the cable TV industry, rallied by mogul Ted Turner -- who's feuding with Murdoch anyway -- is digging in to oppose him. "We're going to make it as tough for him as we possibly can," Turner told a cable TV convention. "Kind of like the Russian army did with the German army." Hmmm ... drawing favorable comparisons with the communist military -- what has Jane Fonda done to him? Nothing compared to the damage he thinks Murdoch's satellite system -- dubbed "Death Star" by cable types -- can do. "Either he's going to go hungry or we are," Turner warned. To which we can only add, Billionaires, please! Just shake hands and say you're sorry.
Compiled by Scott Dickensheets
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