Wednesday, March 26, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.
Of the many avenues to fame and fortune, surely the smoothest and least taxing is simply to be born to someone who's already rich and famous. Thus Michael Jackson's son is likely to inherit not only pop's vast fortune, snake cages and the matronly love of Liz Taylor, but also a portion of his media spotlight. However, it all comes with a price, and not just having to share dad's quality time with chimps. It appears Michael has named his infant son Prince Michael Jackson Jr. Yikes! What's next, Vanilla Ice Jackson? LL Kool Jackson? MC 900-Foot Jackson? No, he says, the name has nothing to do with The Artist Formerly Known As. Jackson is locked in the grip of inexorable family tradition: "My grandfather and great-grandfather were both named Prince, so we have carried on the tradition," he says. Imagine the little guy in a few years: Not only will he have no answer when his private-school playmates boast, "My dad can whip your dad," he'll also have to deal with cruel taunting over his name. Someone cut off Jackson's heir supply!
Briefly
*No. 1 with a bullet: Of the many avenues to fame and fortune, surely the least advisable is to record a rap album with a mortality-referring title shortly before you're sadly gunned down. Yet it seems to work. Just two weeks after Notorious B.I.G.'s death in a drive-by shooting, his new, suddenly posthumous double album, "Life After Death," is flying off the nation's record-store shelves, despite its $19.99 price tag. In fact, it should debut at No. 1.
*Trainspotting with Al Gore! Members of the National Association of Railroad Passengers, writing to ask the vice president's help in saving Amtrak's Texas Eagle -- which runs from Chicago to San Antonio to Los Angeles -- received an encouraging reply. "I share your view that the urgent problem of species extinction and the conservation of biological diversity should be addressed. ..."
Stop 'Ellen'
Of the many avenues to fame and a fortune in advertising revenue, the one most likely to get a televangelist's dander up is to have your TV character turn gay. Thus, Jerry Falwell is organizing a boycott of "Ellen's" coming-out episode, raising the pressing question, If you're boycotting lesbianism, is it actually girlcotting? Sayeth he unto the faithful, "It's important for us to do our part during the upcoming 'Ellen' broadcast, where the character of Ellen Morgan, played by Ellen DeGeneres -- some have said 'DeGenerate' -- announces her lesbianism." Doing his part, Falwell -- some have said "grandstanding moralizer" -- is urging big advertisers like General Motors and Johnson & Johnson to pull out of the show. It's time for the Moral Majority to beat back this latest assault by the amoral minority before it "corrupts the views and values of our children." Because the last thing you want is for little Johnny to look up from his game of Mortal Kombat and see -- gasp -- Ellen DeGenerate.
Compiled by Scott Dickensheets
archive
