The Vegas Watchmen

By Scott Dickensheets

Thursday, March 5, 2009 | midnight

Nite Owl

Defining characteristics: Geeky, gadget-dependent, needs persona to connect with women

Closest local equivalent: Criss Angel

Why the comparison works: Like those of his birdy fictional counterpart, Angel’s superhuman acts require sophisticated trickery.

Where it breaks down: Nite Owl keeps his girlfriend.

Rorschach

Defining characteristics: Irritatingly moralistic, uncompromising, slightly smelly

Closest local equivalent: Family-values crusader Richard Ziser

Why the comparison works: Like Rorschach, Ziser looks down on a city of people enjoying themselves in ways that offend him and is determined to stop them.

Where it breaks down: For all his faults and inflexibilities, you end up rooting for Rorschach.

Ozymandias

Defining characteristics: Smartest man in the world, willing to sacrifice people for an idea

Closest local equivalent:R-J editor Thomas Mitchell

Why the comparison works: Well, Mitchell certainly presents himself as the smartest man in the world, and his paper’s editorials show a distinct preference for political and economic abstractions at the expense of people they’d impact.

Where it breaks down: Ozymandias doesn’t have a sentient mustache.

The Comedian

Defining characteristics: Ruthless, does government’s dirty work, not actually comedic

Closest local equivalent: Sen. John Ensign

Why the comparison works: Because Ensign really isn’t funny. Moreover, during the Bush administration, he supported most of the president’s unsavory policies.

Where it breaks down: When you start picturing the senator in tights.

Silk Spectre

Defining characteristics: Impetuous, prone to outbursts, looks hot in yellow

Closest local equivalent: Jim Rogers

Why the comparison works: Silk Spectre is frequently outraged by lapses in common sense, angry that the world doesn’t work as it should; see Rogers’ recent comments.

Where it breaks down: Silk Spectre A) is a chick; B) is no chancellor of higher education.

Dr. Manhattan

Defining characteristics: At one with quantum universe, aloof from human concerns, blue

Closest local equivalent: Gov. Jim Gibbons

Why the comparison works: Blue or not, no one in Nevada is more aloof from human concerns than Gibbons. Like Watchmen’s atomized Dr. Manhattan, he is fascinated by phenomena no one else can see, such as Democratic conspiracies at the Wall Street Journal.

Where it breaks down: Not sure; let’s put Gibbons in a particle accelerator and find out.