Why you’re fat

Warning: You will have a heart attack while eating this sandwich.

By Scott Dickensheets

Wednesday, Oct. 14, 2009 | 4:54 p.m.

Like the turducken on Page 38 of this little book, I am several things in one: a lardass shoved into a couch potato shoved into a gutbucket. Buddy, I eat BIG. And often. And pretty much anything. Except the “breakfast fatty,” a freak-show of meats, pancakes, syrup and cheese that ruins Page 72 of This Is Why You’re Fat: Where Dreams Become Heart Attacks. Or the gravy pizza, which turns two beautiful things into a single ugly one. Or the “white-trash burrito,” which involves Spam and looks like it’s already been eaten once. This is a guided tour of the Edible Grotesque, the outer limits of what people will put in their mouths. Celebrating this crap food while using it to turn our stomachs, this book almost has me ready to skip lunch. Almost.