Saturday, Aug. 19, 2023 | 2 a.m.
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Parents can plant seeds that will provide their children with the tools they need to protect themselves. But are they aware of the most critical instrument of all?
We are their personal chefs, chauffeurs, party planners, problem solvers and so much more. But, dare I say, our most crucial role is that of protector?
We invest hours reading Amazon reviews to get protective gear for their bodies in every sport known, from soccer cleats to mouth guards. We put many more hours into providing nourishing food to protect their health and growth. Let us not forget the hours spent on school selection and helicoptering over them to ensure their success.
But how many hours are spent empowering kids to know their rights and, specifically, teaching them one of the most crucial protections of all — the power of their own voice?
This time last year, my son and daughter switched schools. Although our daughter was thriving in the previous school, my son found himself ostracized by long-time friends who no longer spoke to him and under-supported by a school system stretched too far and fast.
Santo Max said for the first time in his eight years of life, “I am sad all the time at school, Mama. I don’t want to go.” I listened as tears traced his face, while he recalled the lonely lunches, being left out of countless playground games and endless times friends picked each other for projects, while he was paired with the teacher.
“He likes to work alone,” his teacher declared. But Santo Max was saying something else, and as a mother, I knew he was no loner. This is a kid who plays in countywide tennis tournaments, jumps in on playdates with friends from the beautiful tapestry of cultures in our region and who has performed on the cello in front of audiences for several years.
More important, he spoke up and said something different than his teacher was saying: He said “I want to work with a friend, any friend. I don’t want to be the only kid doing the project with the teacher.” He insisted that his pain was real and his need for help was extremely real.
Santo Max knew he had to share his story. I wondered if this is because, from birth, he has been hearing from me about the first freedoms that allow him to do so in this great nation. He learned from his law-loving mom, a graduate of Howard University School of Law, renowned for its civil rights legacy, that the First Amendment’s guarantee of free expression applies to people of all ages, including students, thanks to several Supreme Court decisions.
So, even when he learned that his teacher said he just wants to “work alone,” he spoke up. And when pulled from class into adult meetings, to get to the heart of his hurt, he spoke up.
A child’s pain can be like a crack in the universe. As parents, we struggle with such battles every day. It comes in many forms. Not every child can find the words to express their pain. Not every child feels safe to speak up. Not every child has a listener or an advocate with whom to speak. Not every child will speak up when something is just not right. But we, as their protectors, must be diligent in giving them the tools to do so. No child will speak up — for their education, against bullying or anything else — unless they are taught that it is their right to do so.
A new school year ignites cartwheels of excitement and heart-pounding stress, all at once. We parents are racing around to equip kids for the year. But what if what they need most is not in a shopping cart? Today, I teach and watch as my students, even at the university level, learn for the first time that they have a right to speak their truth. As Santo Max often reminds me, “No one can tell my story better than me, Mama!”
This school year, we can move beyond only nourishing their bodies or buying endless gadgets and, instead, focus inward on empowering our children to be conscious of their rights and respectful of the rights of others.
Let humans understanding humans be our greatest achievement. As their protectors, I challenge you, as I challenge myself each day, to teach our children one of the most crucial protections of all — their quintessential First Amendment freedoms empowering their own voice.
Allison Matulli is a columnist for the Miami Herald.
