The elevated debate sure to occur in the mayor’s race

By Jon Ralston

Sunday, Feb. 13, 2011 | 2:01 a.m.

Welcome to this special edition of “Face to Face,” a debate in the Las Vegas mayor’s race.

Why are you running?

Carolyn Goodman (wearing a “Goodman forever” pin): “You really have to ask? Either Oscar can’t stand to be away or I woke up 10 days ago and decided I had to do it. Whichever story you believe.”

Chris Giunchigliani (wearing a “UNION GAL” button): “Why not? I’ll still be a county commissioner if I lose. And I heard Carolyn wants to run to stop me from winning. Well, I was born in Italy and raised in Chicago. I’m tougher than most of the guys your husband brought home for dinner.”

Larry Brown (wearing a “Really, I’m still anointed” button): “I still can’t believe Oscar and Carolyn told me she wasn’t running. That hurts. But I’m going to stick around because I have a lot of money and I’m at midterm, too.”

Victor Chaltiel (wearing a “le meilleur des mondes possibles” button): “Bonjour. I am the only businessman here. Or at least the only credible one.”

George Harris (wearing a “Mundo” T-shirt): “Hey, I take offense to that. I was a failure as party chairman, a political candidate and as a magazine publisher. By the way, everyone should try Mundo’s Jalapeno Chile Spiced Chicken Enchilada.” (Pulls one out and bites into it, with juices dripping onto his shirt.)

Steve Ross (wearing a “UNION USA” T-shirt): “Hey, I’m here, too. I’m the only one with council experience. Unlike Carolyn, I always do what the mayor tells me to do.”

Goodman: “That’s true. But he is a visionary. And his vision — I mean, our vision — of me becoming mayor so he can hang around that beautiful new city hall — is simply, well, visionary. It does seem unnecessary to have an election. But if we must, I hope everyone has fun!”

Brown: “Ah, the Bryn Mawr arrogance comes out.”

Goodman: “This from the guy from Harvard.”

Giunchigliani: “Well, I graduated from the school of hard knocks. And I’ll take my husband over Carolyn’s any day. He’ll crush anybody who stands in my way. And he’ll come all the way down from our home on Mount Charleston to do it.”

Ross: “Yes, two homes is highly questionable. Isn’t there a residency issue?”

Giunchigliani: “Two homes is better than serving two masters, Mr. Councilman/Labor leader. And most of those union folks like me better. I served them without the union job. That’s talent!”

Chaltiel: “Mon Dieu. You people are sad. The public is sick of all of you elected officials doing the bidding of the unions, especially the firefighters. You signed the contracts.”

Giunchigliani: “I wasn’t there and I don’t love firefighters anymore. I swear.”

Brown: “I think someone forged my signature on that fire contract.”

Harris (wiping cheese from lips): “Come to Mundo and eat.”

Could we please talk about issues?

Goodman: “Must we? I believe the cult of personality should be enough, no? Look what it did for Oscar — I’m his wife, you know, but I am my own person — and for me at the Meadows.”

Chaltiel: “I am chairman of the board at the Adelson School, a tres superior school to the Meadows.”

From off-camera, voice of Oscar Goodman: “Hey, Frenchie. Shut up or I’ll have you whacked.”

Carolyn: “Oh, Oscar. You’re such a visionary.”

How about a red-light district downtown?

Brown: “I think we need to look at all sides.”

Ross: “Not a chance. Did you hear that, my LDS peeps?”

Chaltiel: “You Americans are such prudes. Let the bonne temps rouler.”

Harris: (breaking out the second enchilada): “So long as the strumpets come to Mundo, fine with me.”

Giunchigliani: “We need to create jobs.”

Goodman: “Well, I am creating a job for my husband for 12 more years.”

Ross: “Hello, I was a labor leader!”

Harris: “Lots of jobs at Mundo!”

Brown: “I have heard something about this thing called the private sector.”

Giunchigliani: “I hear it exists. We just need to tell them what to do.”

Chaltiel: “Sacre bleu! I have created jobs in many businesses, and I am going to create many campaign jobs by trying to buy this position.”

Goodman: “Victor, you are so adorable. Why do you and these others think you can win?”

Do any of you have any real plans to help the economy?

Harris: “I do. Eat at Mundo!”

Ross: “We need to get people back to work. That would help.”

Brown: “What Steve said.”

Giunchigliani: “See, we can agree on something.”

Chaltiel: “We need to think outside of the box. I love that cliché. That’s French, too!”

Goodman: “I want to continue Oscar’s vision, but I am my own person.”

Oscar Goodman, off-camera: “You go, girl.”