Monday, April 1, 2024 | 2 a.m.
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A mole just leaked a draft of Donald Trump’s pre-election agenda and first 100 days in office:
1. Delay witch-hunt criminal trials until current judges retire or voters can’t remember the charges.
2. Perpetrate hate speech to prepare nation for bedlam.
3. End NATO and make a treaty with Vladimir Putin. Send troops to protect Russia against ISIS attacks.
4. Invade Mexico to destroy drug cartels. Claim cartel chiefs are using civilians as human shields, bomb entire towns and cities, and occupy the country indefinitely.
5. Pre-empt local school boards with Christian education czars. Remove questionable texts and hire pastors to police morals.
6. End inheritance, corporation and income taxes on incomes above $400,000. Defund the SEC, the Consumer Financial Protection Board and the SBA.
7. Send all Chinese-Americans to Taiwan to bolster defenses in the South China Sea.
8. Extend suffrage to the unborn. Roll back suffrage for women, minorities and golfers who have never gotten a birdie in their lives.
This letter is fiction, but there is a lot of science in it.
