Keeping the Hard Promises

Monday, Feb. 25, 2008 | 1 p.m.

I’ve learned over the course of my career that there are two kinds of promises: soft promises and hard promises. Soft promises are those we don’t really have to fulfill. For example, you’ve probably found yourself, upon leaving a function, telling someone that you’d call them for lunch or to go golfing, knowing that you’d probably forget to call, or not even intending to call. The other party knows it too, but there is no real consequence for not keeping the promise. We all make these kinds of promises, and because both parties know that the promise won’t be kept, this behavior is culturally acceptable.

A hard promise is one that, when not fulfilled, has a negative consequence. If you tell someone you’ll deliver a project by a certain time or attend an important meeting, there are ramifications if you don’t follow through. Not only is your reputation affected, but your relationships can be damaged.

So why don’t people keep the hard promises? One reason is that some people let their daily task lists get in the way of the promises previously made. We live in a fast-paced world where there is always something urgent to do. Another reason people don’t keep the hard promises is that over time people desensitize themselves to the importance of fulfilling hard promises by habitually not fulfilling the soft ones. Once you establish an attitude that devalues the soft promises, your perspective on hard promises can erode as well. It is a vicious cycle and one that can erode your career.

Here are some things to consider to help you keep your promises:

Practice discipline. People who have fallen into the trap of not fulfilling promises aren’t bad people. They have just become undisciplined in their thoughts and actions. They have become more accustomed to telling people what they think people want to hear and less accustomed to considering the implications of the promises that they make. This creates a slippery slope that will take discipline to climb. Take the time necessary to understand your commitment so that you make better decisions and in turn, better promises.

Words matter. I’m sure that not a single one of us would tell a client, “I’m going to deliver your project two days later than I tell you.” Yet many of us do deliver late, violating the promise. Think of your actions in terms of the promise given; make a promise you are sure you can keep.

Stay focused on important things. Each day we are hit with many things to do. Our task list grows out of proportion with the actual urgency of these tasks. Stay focused on the items that are truly important to you and your clients. I suggest rather than just keeping a to do list, that you develop a promise list and hold it to a high level of importance. Be careful of how many promises you make. Take a critical look at your list and be honest–can you really commit to this new promise?

People don’t trust those who don’t fulfill their promises. Have you ever been in a meeting where a chronic underperformer promises to do something? You can almost hear people’s eyes rolling back. Everyone is thinking, “Yeah, right, sure.” Don’t become the one who loses trust by not keeping your promises. It takes a lot more work to regain someone’s trust than it does to lose that trust in the first place.

I’d like to hear from you:

• Do you take the time to fully understand the situation before you make the promise?

• Have you ever not been able to fulfill a promise? How did you feel?

• Do you know someone who worked his way out of the trap of not keeping his promises? What techniques did he use?

Until next time…

Craig