Friday, March 28, 1997 | 11:59 a.m.
When we glance at the groaning shelves of books about the O.J. Simpson trial, we have but one thought: How would Dr. Seuss handle this? The case has all the elements of a Seussian classic: the cat in the shoes, a dream team of legal grinches. Wubbulous! A similar idea occurred to Penguin Books and Dove Audio, accompanied, no doubt, by a second thought, We could make a pile of dough off this! Well, not so fast, parody meisters. A federal appeals court has upheld a ban on Penguin/Dove's "The Cat NOT in the Hat," a retelling of the Trial of the Century in couplets like, "A man this famous/ never hires/ lawyers like/ Jacoby and Meyers." Reps for Seuss' estate naturally got their pantoozers in a knot and, claiming trademark infringement, sued to stop publication, succeeding last year. The publisher's appeal landed in a San Francisco appeals court this week. The judges were not amused by the book; they gave it low marks for creativity and imagination. But, under the judicial doctrine of "funny is as funny does," you can't quash a book because it doesn't make you laugh. Instead, the court ruled that it parodied the trial but not Seuss. To qualify for protection as parody, it has to satirize the material it borrows from. If there's not a hint, you cannot print! "Penguin and Dove's likely intent in selecting the Seuss (trademarks) was to draw consumer attention to what would otherwise be just one more book on the O.J. Simpson murder trial," the court said.
No cheer
When Parker Stevenson looks at Kirstie Alley, his lovely wife of 13 years, he has but one thought: Get out of my life!, accompanied by a second thought, Bet I could make a pile of dough off her! So the "Hardy Boys" heartthrob has filed for divorce from the ex-"Cheers" star, citing irreconcilable differences. And, after carefully appraising his employment possibilities in relation to hers, Stevenson is also seeking spousal support.
Soulful legislation
Georgia state legislators, presumably looking with dismay at the thicket of bills before them dealing with such uninspiring topics as infrastructure, welfare and crime, must have experienced a moment of Seussian whimsy: Boring bills take a toll/ So bring on the Godfather of Soul! Thus the machinery of Georgia state governance clanked to a halt Thursday as James Brown was presented with a resolution honoring him as "the minister of the new super heavy funk" who brought excitement to "an otherwise listless music scene." That's a lot of credit to give to a guy who hasn't had a hit in ages, but Brown was duly thrilled. "I've performed for millions of people, but this got me nervous," Brown said before yelping his tired trademark, "I feel good!" Afterwards, lawmakers lined up to pose for pictures with the Grandfather of Soul, many missing votes in the process.
Compiled by Scott Dickensheets
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