The Queenan wit

Excerpts from "Red Lobster, White Trash and the Blue Lagoon," by Joe Queenan:

* On Red Lobster:

"The food tasted like baked, microwaved, reheated, overcooked, deep-fried loin of grease."

* On Garth Brooks:

"Brooks' music was the musical equivalent of a Pat Buchanan stump speech, market-researched baloney where the lyrics were so generic you started to suspect he was using Microsoft's Drugstore Cowboy for Windows '95 to write them."

* On "Saturday Night Live" alumni:

"Being introduced to Joe Piscopo and Dan Aykryod and only later learning of the existence of Adam Sandler and Chris Farley is like ... learning about the Black Plague, only to find out there's something called the Blacker Plague."

On "Cats":

"'Cats' is what 'Grease' would look like if all the cast members dressed up as KISS. ... Think of a musical where you're actually glad to hear 'Memory' reprised a third time because all the other songs are so awful."

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Joe Queenan will sign copies of the book at 7 p.m. Monday at the Borders Books and Music store, 2190 N. Rainbow Blvd. Call 638-7866.

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