Dial File: We still think thou swell, Mel

"Germany was having trouble, what a sad, sad story; needed a new leader to restore its former glory; Where oh where was he? Where could that man be? We looked around and then we found the man for you and me; AND ... NOW ... IT'S ..."

-- "Springtime for Hitler," from Mel Brooks' "The Producers."

WHERE have you gone, Melvin Kamisky? And why hasn't it been back to television?

Kamisky -- his pre-fame name when he was a zany little kid from Brooklyn -- evolved into Mel Brooks. You know that moniker as a brand name for tear-the-roof-off-the-joint parody that first burst out of the small screen when Melvin the Madman co-wrote Sid Caesar's classic comedy "Your Show of Shows" and co-created (with Buck Henry) the 007 satire "Get Smart."

You may also recall some of his sublime cinematic silliness, such as "The Producers" (Dick Shawn as a flower-power Hitler? Groovy, Adolf!), "Blazing Saddles" (the campfire scene that proved that beans are musical instruments) and "Young Frankenstein" (the cane-twirling creature in top hat and tails screeching "Puttin' on da Wiiiiii-tz!").

With the mob satire "Mafia!" -- the latest movie imitator of Brooks' legacy of lunacy -- about to hit the big screen, I'm longing for the true Master of Madcap to return to the small one.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee; Deutschland is happy and gay. ..."

It's time to come home, Melvin. Come home where you belong, where you started, where you've been more consistently funny (if not consistently appreciated), where -- given what we've got to look forward to next fall, funnybone-wise -- you're desperately needed. Where there's now about 50 million cable channels -- a cable series, perfect, and phooey on the networks! -- no waiting and no censorship.

"We're marching to a faster pace; Look out, here comes the Master Race. ..."

Brooks' movies have been slip-sliding along a downward slope in recent years, from pretty funny ("High Anxiety") to pretty juvenile ("Spaceballs") to pretty lame ("Robin Hood: Men in Tights") to pretty awful ("Dracula: Dead and Loving It"). And since "Get Smart" got canceled in 1970, his TV career has tanked as well, but his failures were more noble -- and a hell of a lot funnier -- than his movie misfires.

You're waaaaaay overdue for a comeback, Mel. Let's look at the record, at the reasons for riding TV back to greatness, at the sweet poetry of bringing your career full-circle, back to where it all began.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee; Winter for Poland and France. ..."

The splendid Robin Hood spoof "When Things Were Rotten" (ABC, 1975) was a glorious gagfest, a comedic bull's-eye compared to the arrow-in-the-rump that was "Men in Tights." In Brooks' rollicking "Rotten," featuring a nitwit Robin and his band of Merry Morons, daffy non sequiturs and historical anachronisms abounded: the fastest woodcutters in the kingdom are hired by evil Prince John to cut down Sherwood Forest to make way for a housing development for wealthy burghers; an imprisoned Robin is rescued by his Merry Men, who dress as a traveling conga band and bongo their way into the castle.

"When Things Were Rotten" was revered by critics who were wowed by its inventiveness, and ignored by viewers who were too busy watching "Little House on the Prairie." It lasted four measly months.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee; Come on, Germans, go into your dance. ..."

Fast-forward 14 years to 1989, when Brooks gave series TV another shot with NBC's "The Nutt House." This gonzo comedy about a once-dynamic-turned-dumpy New York hotel was oozing with oddballs, including a supercilious manager, over-sexed housekeeper, blind elevator operator, senile doorman, bumbling bellboy and babbling maids. And, oh yes -- machine gun-style pratfalls and sight gags. TV historians Tim Brooks and Earle Marsh called it " 'Hotel' gone mad." It lasted one month, squashed by "Jake and the Fatman."

"I was born in Dusseldorf and that is why they call me Rolfe. ... Don't be stupid, be a smarty -- come and join the Nazi Party. ..."

Up against TV titans Michael Landon and William Conrad, madcap Mel could have been crowned King of Kamikazes. Competition's a killer on network TV -- he was a marked Mel from the get-go. But how to explain the crash-and-burn of Movie Mel? How did he allow the creators of nutjob farces like "Airplane!" "The Naked Gun" and "Mafia!" -- which could be titled "Son, Grandson and Great-Grandson of Mel" -- to dislodge him from his throne as Prince of Parody? Wretched, misguided excess -- and changing demographics.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee; Goosestep's the new step today. ..."

After the rigid restrictions of network TV from the '50s-'80s, Mel, working within a coarsening culture, was clearly intoxicated by -- and sadly infatuated with -- the liberating freedom of the big screen. Sex and bathroom yuks, always fun in dollops, devoured his later work. Wordplay was trampled by everything-including-the-kitchen-sink visual assaults (at least his earlier eye-popping blowout "Blazing Saddles" also had some deliriously deranged dialogue.)

"Bombs falling from the skies again. ... Deutschland is on the rise again. ..."

As he grew older -- he's 72 now -- and piled it on thicker and higher, a whiff of desperation descended over his films. His Borscht Belt-based sensibilities fell far out of favor with the core of contemporary movie audiences, i.e., teen-age boys. Mel's minions? They're at home -- watching TV.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee. ... U-boats are sailing once more. ..."

It's time to go back to basics, Mel -- work smaller, tighter, quieter, wittier -- your own "Get Smart" is a good template -- and let the words drive the wackiness (your greatest strength in the old days) using sight gags as grace notes instead of the symphony.

And this time, head straight for cable, where, compared to the networks, the ratings heat is off and the creative freedom is on. (HBO, perhaps?)

Hear this plea, Mel -- you need TV and TV needs you.

"Springtime for Hitler and Ger-ma-neee."

Springtime for Melvin and all of us.

CROON A TUNE: Who "wants a gal who's dreamy ... wants a gal who's creamy ... wants a gal to call his own"? A better question is: Who knew it? Answer: Not a single, solitary reader knew that the title character of "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis" wanted a dreamy, creamy gal to call his own. You remember "Dobie," don't-cha? The series in which Dobie (Dwayne Hickman) had to contend with none-other-than Warren Beatty for the affections of Tuesday Weld -- not to mention palling around with pre-"Gilligan"/pre-pot arrest beatnik Bob Denver?

Ah, the memories. But let's move on. What TV series used "The William Tell Overture" -- possibly TV's oldest theme song, composed in 1829 by G. Rossini -- as its musical calling card? Do Tell -- via phone or e-mail -- and if you're the first reader, named William or not, with the correct answer, we'll make Overtures to your tele-trivial talents and pile of guile in next week's Dial File.

THE WATERS PARTED: In the Wow, I Just Had an Epiphany! category, ABC entertainment honchos Stu Bloomberg and Jamie Tarses have somehow gotten the impression that viewers are outraged at trying to keep track of shows as they're jerked all around the schedule, vowing to program from now on with "consistency and clarity."

Biblical scholars hailed the announcement as the first sign of the Apocalypse.

archive