Columnist Dean Juipe: St. Peter -- No passing this Buck

IF HE'S FORTUNATE enough to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, Buck Showalter may have some explaining to do.

St. Peter: "Mr. Showalter, it has been brought to my attention that on May 28, 1998, you, in your capacity as manager of the Arizona Diamondbacks baseball team, insisted your pitcher walk a Mr. Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants with the bases loaded, thus needlessly forcing in a run. You said at the time that you conceded a run rather than risk allowing Mr. Bonds to hit and perhaps drive in three or four runs during his at-bat. Now, Mr. Showalter, what you did that day may not have been a crime or a sin but millions of fans of the sport accused you of poor judgment and contributing to a bad habit. Some sort of penance will be required."

Showalter: "I knew that would come back to haunt me. It was stupid, I admit, especially because it cut my team's lead down to one run and the next man up, a Mr. Brent Mayne, hit a sharp line drive to right field that my player was lucky to catch. We did win the game though."

St. Peter: "Yes but that's incidental to the damage you inflicted on the sport. If you only knew the number of Little League managers who were influenced by your actions and began walking other teams' .600 hitters just so they could pitch to the poor kids that were only hitting .150. I'm telling you, there were negative repercussions."

Showalter: "But let me say in my defense that there was precedent. That same year other managers were intentionally walking a Mr. Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals on a fairly regular basis just because he was hitting home runs left and right."

St. Peter: "So you're saying bad judgment is contagious?"

Showalter: "Maybe. I realize now that baseball was plagued that year by managers like me issuing too many intentional walks, and the more I think about it the more I understand how spineless it must have seemed from afar. I just got caught up in the pack mentality of the day.

St. Peter: "You wouldn't believe how often I've heard that one."

Showalter: "Yeah, I can imagine. But what did you do when Mr. Mel Ott was on your doorstep? Did you reprimand him for ordering one of his pitchers in a 1944 game to walk that Bill Nicholson guy with the bases loaded?"

St. Peter: "Well, I shouldn't tell you this because it's a personnel issue, but Mr. Ott's actions that afternoon at the Polo Grounds were reviewed and he was later cleared. He was in a totally different situation than you were, and he was acting out of frustration. Mr. Nicholson had hit four home runs that day for the Chicago Cubs and Mr. Ott had him walked because his team, the New York Giants, were four runs ahead with two innings to play. It wasn't a big deal."

Showalter: "So Ott got off?"

St. Peter: "Well, it's not like he arrived here with a clean slate and didn't have some time to serve elsewhere for other offenses, but we saw fit to absolve him for the intentional walk."

Showalter: "Can't you do something like that for me?"

St. Peter: "I'm sorry, but I don't think so. It's your own fault."

Showalter: "How's that?"

St. Peter: "Thanks to men such as yourself, we're fresh out of free passes."

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