Columnist John Katsilometes: Same-sex marriage and Sin City

John Katsilometes' column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Reach him at 259-2327 or [email protected].

In our town, bare bottoms on taxicab placards and billboards featuring boys in bikini briefs are in.

Same-sex nuptials are out.

The city famous for strip clubs catering to both genders, cleavage-boosting cocktail dresses, "Thunder From Down Under" and high-tolerance sexuality in general does not readily accept homosexual commitment ceremonies.

It's all to the dismay of the Rev. Daphne Mendeloff, who performs same-sex commitment ceremonies through her business, Alternative Bands, an offshoot of her Eternal Hope Ministry.

"I try to keep a very low profile," Mendeloff said after somewhat reluctantly agreeing to have her name and comments printed in the newspaper. "I don't want my business or myself to be in jeopardy. I don't publicize myself too much."

Same-sex unions surfaced as a contentious issue last week when the Vermont Supreme Court began determining whether to legalize gay marriages. Three homosexual couples have filed suit in the gay-friendly state, which could become the first in the nation to legally recognize same-sex marriages (which would ignite a predictable tantrum from Tinky Winky hater Jerry Falwell).

But for now, gay commitment ceremonies are merely simple and symbolic exercises, even in Las Vegas, of which the prevailing opinion is usually, "Of course, it must be legal there."

"There is a lot of misinformation, a lot of assumptions about Las Vegas that are wrong," Mendeloff, who has been offering same-sex ceremonies since 1995, said. "It's not legal. It's frowned upon quite a bit, actually. This is a deceptively conservative city in that regard."

Soon after she began advertising her same-sex services (with just a tiny notice in the Yellow Pages) Mendeloff started receiving snotty e-mail from fellow religious leaders -- stuff like "How could you?" and "You should be ashamed." She recently developed a website and the person she hired as a consultant was quickly trashed for being "immoral."

Mendeloff talks of her "underlying fear" when dealing with potential customers. She receives calls and e-mail from all over the world -- England, Hong Kong, Australia and from all regions of the U.S. -- and must carefully screen each one.

"I ask the person's name. The partner's name. How they got my number. Where they're staying. If they're from here." Mendeloff, who also performs legal heterosexual ceremonies, said. "There is an ominous fear of someone trying to hurt me professionally, and I have a constant worry about telling people what I do for a living. That's sad."

Mendeloff is in her second (heterosexual) marriage, in its 17th year. She describes herself as a "mature woman who has been around," and would like to see same-sex marriages legalized nationwide.

"If it were legal I think it would make my life somewhat easier," she said. "I could definitely be more aggressive in publicizing myself. I'm just tired of the hypocracy and judgmental people pushing their morality on others."

She's also tired of whispering when telling people about her job and defending couples' rights to have unions recognized by the law as well as the eyes of God.

It's a case of discrimination, pure and simple, and this is the last place it should be tolerated.

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