Where I Stand -- Brian Greenspun: Tipper gives of herself

JUST WHEN you thought that mothers have done all they can for their families, along comes Tipper Gore.

For some reason many years ago, people decided that the mothers of the world have done so much for so many that they were entitled to their own special day. It is called Mother's Day. And for anyone living under a rock, that is today.

Mothers everywhere will be feted by their children, their spouses or their friends today in a showing of appreciation that, while it is impossible to fully express, will provide a glimpse into the way all families should feel about the person who has given life and sustained it -- Mother. And to be politically correct I must also mention Father's Day, which follows in a month, not because we have an equal claim to the accolades and warm wishes that are due our better halves, but because it is never too early to start shopping!

Back to the moms of the world and, specifically, my mother. Actually, I am fortunate enough to share her with my brother and sisters and, over a lifetime of living in Las Vegas, a great many other people who have benefited from her sound advice and quiet support for many years. She is not unlike, I suspect, most mothers in this valley who have raised their children and their children's friends and look forward to the next group coming up. Like most families in the valley, we will celebrate with her and other family friends today.

In doing so, however, we should all be acutely aware that there are many amongst us who cannot share this wonderful day with their mothers, either because they are no longer alive or because they are separated by too many miles. For them there are prayers and long-distance phone calls that will have to suffice. That knowledge alone, though, should make those of us who can be with our moms appreciate our opportunities. Of course in my family, if we don't properly appreciate, we are soon reminded of our errant ways.

That's also what good mothers do. They nurture, explain, assist and, when necessary, prod, poke and punctuate until those in their care -- however extended that may be -- get the point. That's what makes them good mothers!

On Friday another of America's really good mothers took her role a step farther into an area that is fraught with danger, from a personal as well as a political standpoint. The front page of USA Today and practically every other of the nation's newspapers carried a story about Tipper Gore's bout with depression and her willingness to discuss it with the country.

Given the personal nature of mental health problems, such an acknowledgment is not something any of us feels comfortable discussing, especially with millions of people we don't even know. That by itself speaks volumes about the confidence Tipper has in her own good health and the concern she has for her fellow Americans, many of whom suffer similarly without even knowing it.

From a political standpoint, her revelation could be even more harmful. Ours is a country that, as enlightened as we would like to think we have become, still dwells in the dark ages when it comes to many matters of mental health. With her husband, Vice President Al Gore, actively seeking the White House in 2000, one would think a countrywide discussion about her mental health is not something that would make the political advisers jump for joy. Her courage in the face of such high stakes -- and her husband's, too -- has been tested and not been found wanting.

For years it has been too easy for many of us in the United States to cast blame where it is not deserving. The recent tragedy at Columbine High School, for example, provided ample opportunity for the family values folks to castigate otherwise good and decent families for what happened. It allowed those who oppose the proliferation of handguns and assault weapons to advance their agenda. And it allowed everyone else with a political goal to further their cause at the expense of what really happened. And somewhere in all the discussion of who and what was to blame for the massacre, there were references to an anti-depressant drug. Naturally but wrongheadedly, that caused conversation about coddling, even in cases where coddling might not have been the culprit.

In the midst of all that, Tipper Gore had the courage to talk about her own bout with depression. She did it in the context of the need for families across America to be more aware of the dangers of mis- or nondiagnoses of the malady and the problems that can and will result. And by doing so, by going public with such a private matter, she has helped make it more comfortable and more mainstream for others in our country to do the same and seek help for what ails them.

As we learn more about our bodies, our physiology and psychology, we are better able to help ourselves and those we love. We are a country that no longer looks upon physical ailments as debilitating and we should no longer be a country that looks at mental health problems, once fixed or controlled, any differently. And in the political world, whispering campaigns about those who have sought professional care should no longer be tolerated.

What Tipper Gore did this past week -- much like what Betty Ford did years ago with regard to breast cancer -- was take a giant step toward the time when the world will be as we all know it should be. In opening herself and her family up to the kind of criticism that will most likely result, she acted in the best traditions of motherhood. In explaining why she came forward, Tipper said, "I was given the statistic that suicide is the second leading cause of death among teenagers ... so I think ... now is the right time to talk about this in personal terms instead of just in policy terms."

Mothers, more than anyone else, understand the struggles with depression of young people in today's society. If Tipper Gore's coming out has made it easier for some of those teenagers and their families to seek the help they need rather than wait for the tragedies to occur, then she will have done far more than her part. She will have earned Mother of the Year honors.

And as we enjoy the day together with our own mothers, I know each of them will understand the significance of what she has done. That's what makes them mothers and that's why we love them.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers and, dare I forget, the mothers-in-law of the world and, especially, to the people I call Mom and Rachel. I love you.

archive