Parenting can be a matter of seizing moments

Teacher John Pendry is chatting with one of his misbehaving fourth graders.

"What would your mother think?" he asks Richard.

"She wouldn't care," the boy snaps.

So Pendry calls Richard's mother, and she sits next to her son in class all day.

After that, Richard sheepishly amends his answer, "I guess she does."

Experts say parental involvement in a child's education is among the factors that most affect the child's learning.

"If parents are acting in the role as parents, you can tell it right away," said Kay Carl, assistant superintendent who oversees elementary schools. "Parents are absolutely crucial."

But some parents do a better job than others preparing their children for school, teachers note. Some teach their children that an education is important. Others don't.

Some parents talk with their children every day. Others can't find the time.

Two-thirds of public-school teachers gave their school's parents a fair or poor rating on involvement with their children's education, according to a national poll released in March. Only one in 10 teachers said parents check to make sure homework is completed and done correctly, according to the survey conducted by the nonpartisan research organization Public Agenda.

It's quickly evident that parenting styles vary widely, even within a single classroom at Jydstrup Elementary School.

Several parents of students in Pendry's class said parenting can be a matter of seizing moments.

The father of Molly, one of Pendry's brightest students, said his daughter recently mentioned she had learned about artist Salvador Dali in school. The man leapt at the chance to surf the Internet with Molly, looking for more information about the painter.

But it's not always that easy.

Molly's dad, who sometimes spends weekend afternoons with his daughter and her horse, Hokey, echoed a familiar lament among other parents of students in Pendry's class.

"It's tough making time for her to do her homework, as well as time for her activities," Molly's father said.

Molly, who is in the school's gifted and talented program, lives with her dad and his new wife. She also spends a lot of time with her mother, who also lives in Las Vegas.

"It can be hard to budget (Molly's) time to fit with my time," he said.

Richard's mother, a single parent, also said finding time is difficult. She works days so that she can spend time with her son in the evenings, she said.

"We're very close," she said. "You try to spend time communicating with your kid as much as you can."

Recently, Richard's mother spent one of her days off in the classroom, assembling a classroom banner. She admires Pendry for managing a sometimes unwieldy classroom.

"Mr. Pendry is a great teacher," she said. "I know it can be difficult. When I go in and help, I see having that many children ... no matter how great a teacher you are, it's hard to help everybody."

Pendry said most parents work well with him. For example, Ray, who can be quiet and contemplative, has at other times been a handful for his teacher. Among other offenses, the boy threatened a girl on the playground, promising to kick her "f-----g ass."

Fortunately, Ray's father is always willing to come in and talk about his son if the boy is misbehaving in school.

He and Pendry work well together. The man trusts the teacher.

By contrast, the mother of Amal, Pendry's most consistent discipline problem, is usually at odds with the teacher. She is often defensive when Pendry calls, and seems reluctant to work with the school when her son's behavior gets so bad he becomes a constant disruption to the class.

At times, Amal's mother, who declined to be interviewed for this story, has hung up on her son's teacher.

"She would rather lash out at me than go to Amal," Pendry said. "I don't think that she believes that in my heart I really want what is best for Amal. She just says, 'Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah.' She doesn't trust us."

Educators say teachers are being asked to perform dual roles of teacher and parent more than ever.

"The family structure takes many different forms, it's no longer mom and dad and 2.5 kids," Jydstrup principal Nadine Nielsen said. "It's mom and grandma."

Teachers have become "surrogate parents" for some students as societal attitudes have changed in recent years, Superintendent Brian Cram said.

"People have decided that there are things more important than families," Cram said. "Children are not as disciplined as they were in the past. They are left more to their own devices."

Some students, often young elementary school children, are indeed left alone at home, said Stella Helvie, director of a program for pupils with severe discipline problems. Many students in her program are the victims of parental abuse or neglect or have parents with chemical dependencies, Helvie said.

"Parenting is tough," Helvie said. "Parents have to offer consistency, stability, love, they have to pick their kids up when they fall down. We sometimes treat kids as adults."

Helvie added, "It's a real dilemma when you've got parents who give you lip service, and they don't follow through."

School board member Sheila Moulton worries about students like Amal.

"What happens if that good teacher doesn't step in?" Moulton asked. "We're going to falter with that child and pay for it forever."

Educators point to studies indicating that the more care students get at home, the better they perform in school.

One recent study followed a group of children from 8 to 13 years of age. Researchers studied their home lives. They found that students who watched less television, had musical instruments, books and magazines in the home, had access to libraries, lessons, hobbies and scientific or cultural events performed better in school.

In the study, which appeared in an October 1998 edition of "Child Development," researchers recommended that parents provide "cognitively stimulating learning opportunities at home."

"A child who hasn't had any of those life experiences, they start behind the 8-ball," said Mary Peterson, Nevada Superintendent for Public Instruction.

It's hard to give general advice about parenting, said Moises Denis, president of the Clark County area PTA. But the issue of how to prepare a student for school goes back to the issue of time, Denis said.

"You can't follow a formula," Denis said. "Each child is different. What's important is that you spend some time with the child every day. That might not even be educational time. It might just be 15 minutes playing Nerf basketball."

Denis added, "Educating our children is our responsibility, it's not the school district's responsibility. We allow the school district to do the job because they are the trained specialists, but ultimately it's a parent's responsibility. It's a teamwork thing. We should all work together."

Pendry agrees it's a two-way street.

"I try to build a relationship with parents from day one," he said. "Every parent wants what is best for their kids. They may not always know how to provide that."

Jydstrup assistant principal Charles Anderson has dealt with a wide variety of parents during his years as an administrator.

He said that before he arrived at Jydstrup, he had heard teachers grouse, "If I only had better kids, if I only had smarter kids ..."

Anderson told them, "Parents are sending you the very best ones they have. It's our job to educate them all."

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