Where I Stand -- Mike O'Callaghan: An act of desperation

Mike O'Callaghan is the Las Vegas Sun executive editor.

It produced headlines and led the evening radio and television news when 10-year-old Steven Kelso was dropped off at a hospital the day after Christmas. Some commentators, columnists and editorial writers reacted with shock and others with anger.

Steven, suffering from cerebral palsy, had been a patient several times at the hospital over past years. He has been well cared for and treated medically since birth by his parents, Richard and Dawn. Richard is the chief executive officer for a large and successful chemical company so their actions don't appear to be related to lack of money.

Here's how USA Today related what took place that day:

"The Sunday after Christmas, Richard, 62, and Dawn, 45, drove 45 minutes from their home in Exton, Pa., an upper-middle-class suburb of Philadelphia, to the Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children in Wilmington, Del. Richard Kelso, the CEO of a large corporation, carried boxes and bags filled with diapers, toys and medical supplies into the emergency room. Then he wheeled in 10-year-old Steven, attached to a respirator.

"Dawn Kelso walked up to the front desk receptionist and said that she wanted to have her son admitted. She handed the receptionist a note.

" 'Mrs. Kelso said she did not want to talk to anyone, she was tired of talking and could no longer care for him,' hospital spokeswoman Terri Volker Greenley said."

So why the shock? Is it because of the way the parents handled their frustrations after 10 years of stress and strain? Certainly thousands of other children are abandoned every year and others are quietly allowed to die. The city of Houston has 75 new billboards telling women not to abandon their babies but to take them to "an emergency medical technician at a fire station or hospital" or call (877) 904-SAVE.

Some people handle their stress by killing those who frustrate them. Too often we hear of mothers and fathers killing their mates and their offspring. I can't predict what will be in the paper that this column is published in, but there's a good chance a story of a family killing is someplace in its pages today, if not yesterday or tomorrow.

So we shouldn't be shocked by the Kelso story. Then we ask who deserves the anger felt and expressed by writers and other members of society? Susanmarie Trout, the mother of a severely disabled child and friend of the Kelsos, gives us some thoughts. Trout told Andrew Jacobs of the New York Times, "They really loved that child, and they have been through so much, but you don't know what it's like until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Before we judge them, it's important to know what happened." Later, when speaking about Steven's mother, Trout said, "This woman is a fighter. She doesn't give up easily."

The more we learn about the Kelso family, the more difficult it is to be angry at them. This story reminds me of the looks of desperation Las Vegas parents of mentally handicapped children had in the late 1960s, when the only Nevada facility for their children was in Sparks. Some felt guilty when they had to leave their children in an institution several hundred miles away. Most did their best to keep the child or children at home, but they had no respite from the pressure created by the constantly needed care. Some hung on and succeeded with the help of other family members, but for others it was an impossible situation.

We don't doubt that the Kelsos could have quietly put Steven away in some private or public institution. What they did was to publicly express their desperation and leave him where immediate care was available. They were hurting and rather than also hurt the child, they are now criminals and will face the courts. Let's hope a good family court can eventually help both the parents and Steven.

Before any of us should be shocked or angry, let's think about how other people have mishandled their frustrations. Yes, and then think about our own good fortune of not having had to walk in the shoes of the Kelso family.

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