Friday, May 30, 2003 | 9:33 a.m.
Lisa Ferguson's Laugh Lines column appears Fridays. Her Sun Lite Column appears Mondays. Reach her at [email protected].
There are a couple of reasons why Bob Zany should consider purchasing a home in Las Vegas.
For starters, the Southern California native's family -- his mom, two brothers and sister -- all live in Southern Nevada. But the most compelling argument for a move east (as Zany might say in his trademark phrasing) is in the math, Bay-Bee!
Since launching his comedy career in 1977, Zany figures he's spent enough weeks performing in Las Vegas to equal about 10 years. He's taking up temporary residence again, headlining through Sunday at Riviera Comedy Club.
"It's not a bad life; it has its moments," Zany says of his nomadic occupation, which keeps him on the road upwards of 45 weeks each year. "I think you're being paid to travel and wait around to go onstage. You're not paid to perform if you really enjoy what you do."
That he does, for the most part.
"There's that part of me that says a comedian has to be just a little unhappy and a little cynical," he said recently from his home in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley, "because that's where the real comedy comes from."
Mostly, though, jokes leap from newspaper pages and television screens -- his muses of choice when concocting bits for "The Zany Report." The twisted current-events segment is heard nationally -- although not in Las Vegas -- each week on radio's syndicated "The Bob and Tom Show." (Until last year, Zany's segment also aired on KOMP 92.3-FM's morning show.)
Zany, 41, says he reads several daily newspapers, national magazines and even the tabloids to compile his reports.
An example of his recent ripped-from-the-headlines shtick: "The World Health Organization said the SARS virus can live four days on a toilet seat ... beating out Elvis by three."
Didn't tickle your funny bone? Think you can do better? Visit bobzany.com and take a stab at fixing that joke -- or any others featured in past or present editions of "The Zany Report."
Zany welcomes -- and even rewards -- those he determines have one-upped him with his own quips. Of the approximately 400 submissions he receives each week, a winner is chosen to have his or her revamped joke read on-air during the report, and receive one of Zany's self-promotional T-shirts.
One of Zany's favorite fixer-uppers tweaked his bit about the apparently well-endowed sea barnacle. "I don't know what my original joke was," he says, "but this guy wrote, 'Though the term "hung like a barnacle" will never catch on.' "
Since being pulled from "The Gong Show" stage midroutine at age 15, Zany (whose real last name is Tetreault) has hosted his own self-titled L.A. radio show; written and produced comedy bits and segments for television pilots, specials and series, including "Saturday Night Live"; performed at more than 500 comedy clubs around the globe; and served as the opening act for Jay Leno, Rodney Dangerfield and Garry Shandling, among countless other gigs.
Most recently he has hosted installments of the "Comcast Comedy Spotlight," a program airing in several major cities (including Detroit and Washington, D.C.) serviced by the Comcast Cable outfit.
On the show, Zany introduces up-and-coming comics and performs man-on-the-street-type bits -- a no-brainer for the ad-lib expert.
He's also working on his fourth comedy CD, "Tough Crowd," which will feature a blend of his radio bits and stand-up act recorded during a performance in Battle Creek, Mich. It follows his 2001 disc, "I Just Can't Win Bay-Bee!," recorded in Las Vegas.
But the cigar-smoking Zany counts dropping 175 pounds from his frame in 1991 among his biggest accomplishments. He's kept all but 35 pounds off through diet and exercise. The weight loss, however, forced a major overhaul of his act, which was peppered with jokes about his size.
"To this day I can still pull out the old fat jokes," he explains, "but it was the references and mindset of being that person ... It took me a few years to get used to it."
Zany is also attempting to downsize another area of his life: the clutter he's collected at the home he shares with his actress/comedienne wife, Erin O'Connor.
Through E-Bay-Bee!, the online-auction link on his website, visitors can view and bid on Zany's possessions, including such oddities as a 1970s steak-knife set (minimum bid $5); a Life Savers sleeping bag ($50); a T-shirt once worn by his dog, Norman ($5) ; and a 1975 "The Six-Million Dollar Man" board game ($25). "It's things I should have let go of a long time ago," Zany says, joking that he uses the profits to "pay off my debt."
Among his strangest would-be sales: a take-a-number plaque in the shape of a hand grenade ("When you pulled the number, you pulled the pin -- that was the joke"). Zany had a bidder willing to pay $50 for the piece, but U.S. Postal Service regulations prevented the comedian from mailing the fake weapon to its new owner. "So I'm pretty much stuck with it."
Better luck next time, Bay-Bee!
Out for laughs
ANT invades The Improv at Harrah's June 10 through June 15. The openly gay comic/actor -- not the picnic pest -- will co-star in the upcoming NBC series, "Last Comic Standing." Daytime-TV watchers may recognize him as a celebrity panelist on "To Tell the Truth," and a guest correspondent for "The Ricki Lake Show." ANT also appeared in big-screen flicks "Circuit" and "Twin Falls, Idaho."
The times they are a-changin' -- at least at Riviera Comedy Club. Nightly show times have been bumped a half hour, to 8:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m.
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