Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2004 | 8:20 a.m.
The meal is planned. The flowers purchased. The heart full of chocolate hidden away, along with a romantic card.
It has all the makings of a great Valentine's Day except for one ingredient. The movie.
But what kind?
If you're a male, do you go the overly sentimental chick-flick route and bore yourself senseless just to appease your date and prove that you're "in touch with your feelings"?
Or, if you're female, do you go against your mothering nature and recommend a testosterone-fueled, mindless action movie you'd rather gouge your eyes out than watch but know your significant other will enjoy?
The ideal situation, of course, is to find something with appeal to both genders. Rosemary Stasek, creator and webmaster of the "chick flick" website www.stasek.com/flicks, said the perfect Valentine's movie should have "a good balance of romance, but not require Kleenex, and should have an interesting subplot to keep the guy interested.
"A date movie is one that you're going to see with a special or potentially special person on a weekend night. A good date movie has to appeal to both sexes," she said via e-mail. "I'm not in the camp of torturing boyfriends by dragging them to chick flicks go with your girlfriends, it will be a lot more fun."
Nor is she fond of movies full of over-the-top violence.
"There can be off-screen violence that makes the movie intense, but an onscreen bloodfest just kills the mood. Think 'El Mariachi' that should have been the world's sexiest movie, but I almost heaved and that sort of puts a damper on romance.
"I feel that movies in general have too much gratuitous violence and not enough gratuitous sex."
The key to any good date movie, though, is to have a main plot -- or strong subplot -- that isn't simply about romance.
"The romance should derive from the plot, not simply be the plot itself," Stasek said. "But that said, there have to be good hot scenes in there or it's just another movie."
When it comes to taking a date to the movies for Valentine's, Stasek classifies the types of choices by five categories: first date, blockbuster, "Jungle Book" vulture, "he grits his teeth," "she grits her teeth."
A first-date movie involves "any movie playing at a convenient time, because then you don't have to talk on this potentially disastrous date," while a blockbuster is "the one you both go see just because it's the hot movie that weekend."
The "Jungle Book" vulture movie is a reference to the indecisive birds from the animated classic: "I don't know, whadda you wanna do?" "Well, I don't know, whadda you wanna do?"
"(It's) the movie you both go to because neither of you wants to make the decision and then get slammed for it later when the movie sucked," she said.
The last two categories are for films that have zero appeal to one gender.
"For me, the idea is to give up on compromise," Stasek said. "Just get a group of gals together and go see the movie without having to apologize and just enjoy it. And the same goes for the guys."
No matter the choice of films, she recommends watching them at home rather than a theater.
"Definitely at home. A nice dinner, lots of wine, no worries about driving and if the movie's really good, you may never make it to the end," Stasek said.
Now that we've established ground rules, Stasek recommends these more female-oriented Valentine's Day movies that guys may appreciate -- or at least tolerate:
"Out of Sight"
"That one got my heart. It fits my criteria for a date movie rather than a chick flick because the romance sort of comes out of the plot rather than is the plot. A guy can watch the whole crime plot and the woman can enjoy the whole romance of it. There's really something for everybody to enjoy."
"Lone Star"
" 'Lone Star' blew me away. Again, you could watch that movie and come away having watched two completely different movies, which really widens the appeal. It's definitely one of those movies where two people can walk out of the theater and have seen two entirely different movies."
"L.A. Confidential"
"It's such a classy film, it just reeks of style. Film noir sometimes doesn't really grab me, it seems to be more mood than plot. But I think that 'L.A. Confidential' really takes the best of film noir and then takes it from there. It incorporates the romance rather than hits you over the head with it."
"Bull Durham"
"What can you say about 'Bull Durham'? It's the ultimate homage to our national pastime. Any guy who has the least bit of interest in baseball, no movie that paints it in such a living light. Put Kevin Costner, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, it's probably one of my favorite all-time movies. You could watch the movie for the baseball and the romance is just sort of there or you could watch the movie for the romance and the baseball just happens to be there."
"Pretty Woman"
"Now we're getting into ones where we're losing the guys. These are just movies where the romance is the plot. I'm not making any apologies for 'Pretty Woman.' It's a classic film and it's a classic in what it does. It just says that there is a beautiful romantic happy ending for every woman" ... even if you're a prostitute "with a heart a gold. You've got to have the heart of gold."
"Shakespeare in Love"
"It's hilarious (but) definitely not your prototypical guy flick. I think guys who love literature and comedy will certainly enjoy it. It really is another way of packaging the classic love story."
"Nine 1/2 Weeks"
"The sexuality of it was intense and, especially at the time it was made, it was as close to porn as you got in a standard release flick at that time. I think guys can definitely enjoy it -- the sexuality of it -- but the chick flick aspect of it is really the emotional surrender and I don't think guys are watching for that. The soundtrack alone makes this a classic."
"Monsoon Wedding"
"There are so many interesting movies out now that are really giving such exposure to Indo-American culture, from 'Bend it Like Beckham' to 'Mississippi Masala.' But 'Monsoon Wedding' is best of breed. It's funny, charming and it really talks about arranged marriage in a way that humanizes it for those of us where it's not part of the culture. And it's a hilarious movie."
"Love Actually"
"It told every love story that exists. Each of its subplots told a different love story and it certainly had one of the saddest endings simultaneously with the happiest ending. It literally was one movie encompassing every love story."
"Lover Come Back"
"(Sighs) I don't remember the first time I saw this movie ... I had to be pre-verbal. My mother was the hugest Doris Day and Rock Hudson fan, she got me hooked on these corny love stories. There are things about it that are so quaint. In this movie they end up sleeping together, but they have to get married first to match the values of the time. It really is the classic chick flick."
And just to show she's not opposed to guy movies, Stasek recommends these male-oriented movies that women will appreciate:
"True Lies"
'True Lies' was hilarious. Jamie Lee Curtis had a great role as a strong woman character that women could appreciate. If I had to pick a (Arnold) Schwarzenegger flick, 'True Lies' would be the only one."
"High Fidelity"
"John Cusack is the ultimate chick-flick guy, so you could sort of latch on to him. It also featured Jack Black in one of his first big roles. But 'High Fidelity' definitely wasn't a chick flick. Still, if my choice were between this and 'XXX,' then 'High Fidelity' wins."
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