Oh goody, 29 days of February

By Ron Kantowski

Friday, Feb. 1, 2008 | 2 a.m.

“The nights were long and cold and scary,

Can we live through February?”

— Dar Williams,

“February”

Songwriter Dar Williams may have been writing about a lost love.

But she could just as easily been writing a lament for sports fans — because February stinks, at least after they detonate the confetti cannons at the Super Bowl and the winning quarterback announces he’s headed to a Disney property near you.

For starters, it’s hard to pronounce. Then there’s that 28-day, 29-day thing. It’s called Leap Year, though it has nothing to do with Bob Beamon and the ’68 Olympics. Leap years are needed so that the calendar is in sync with the Earth’s motion around the sun. At least so said Julius Caesar.

Caesar also knew that February bit the big one. That’s why when the ancient Romans had to find a place to stick another day on their calendar, they chose February. Might help, certainly couldn’t hurt.

Besides, it’s February. The low month on the totem pole. The one that doesn’t get mentioned until the fourth line of that “30 days hath September” rhyme. What’s it gonna say? We’re moving the Super Bowl to March? It’s not as if February owns the Super Bowl, anyway. It has been leasing it only since 2002. Once January settles its gambling debt with Pete Rozelle’s estate, it’ll probably get it back.

But the frozen trees and dirty snow aren’t the only reasons to detest the second month of the year, especially if you are a sports fan with a high-definition TV set the size of Montana.

What about these?

• “Murray State wins the tip, and Eastern Illinois falls back into a 2-3 zone.”

• Because February made me shiver with every paper I delivered.

• Two words: Daytona qualifying.

• If you make the mistake of falling asleep during the Accenture Match Play Championship, some guy named Henrik Stenson is liable to win it.

• “Great Moments in Pro Bowl History.”

• Because some whimpering Lhasa apso most likely will win the nonsporting group at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show when your money is on the Tibetan spaniel.

• West 153, East 132 (NBA All-Star Game).

• Super Sunday: Cris Collinsworth. Super Tuesday: Chris Matthews.

• Because even though this was the month the American Basketball Association was founded in 1967, the History Channel will not commemorate it by airing compelling documentaries about the Virginia Squires and the circumference of Julius Erving’s Afro.

• You will most likely forget to bring home a box of chocolates for your assistant coach on Valentine’s Day. Then if there’s a long line at Walgreens, you could miss the first five minutes of the Murray State-Eastern Illinois game.

• On Groundhog Day, there’s at least a 50 percent chance Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow, in which case we’ll be stuck with six more weeks of the Clippers and the T-Wolves.

• This is the month pitchers, catchers and injured players report for spring training and your team has more of the last one than the first two.

• National Signing Day for high school football players. Or, as it is known at UNLV, “When You Wish Upon a Two-Star Recruit.” Outside of Texas, who cares how fast Billy Joe Bluechip can run the 40?

• Bracketology season begins for real. ESPN got so bored this year that it started planting seeds in regionals right after New Year’s.

• The huge disappointment you feel on tuning into the Winter X Games after putting the wife and kids to bed, only to discover that everybody’s wearing clothes.

A lot of clothes.