Time of reflection can be key to self affirmation

Judy Miller Gerard

Thursday, Sept. 11, 2008 | midnight

Self-esteem is important. In fact, it is vital to our sense of well-being. And yet to a large extent we depend on what other people think about us to determine who we are and how we feel about ourselves. That doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

I've been pondering this, and it seems to me that we have within us an important source of information and nurturing ... recollections of our own past.

Commonly, when we look back on our lives, it is to probe old wounds and dwell on our past failures and poor choices. However, there is a flip side to that: times that were good, choices that were wise and things that did turn out well. We should not throw away that positive side of our past.

It's not a matter of being prideful or boastful, but simply acknowledging those times when we did make good choices, when things did turn out well, when we did accomplish something good, when we had reason to feel good about ourselves and be thankful.

Let's make a quiet time when we can sit with our past, glean from it those things that are true and lovely and of good report, and be affirmed and nurtured by them. Then let's look to our present, identify those things that are going well and that we have every right to feel good about.

For the past, to help you get started, here are some examples of my own:

• I taught myself to read music and then to play the piano and organ.
• I was a good partner in a good marriage.
• I was able to regain my emotional equilibrium after the sudden death of a beloved 29-year-old son.
• I created a successful business of my own as a medical office consultant.

How about you? What are some things that turned out well for you?

For the present:

• I get to write this column (smile).
• I'm writing two books: "Aging in Our Culture" and "To Ponder."
• I do my part to stay connected with a circle of friends who are like an extended family.
• I plan, organize, orchestrate and direct an annual weeklong meeting of about 80 people of all ages.
• I play the organ and do music for a Sunday service at a care facility.
• I maintain an active e-mail correspondence, staying in touch with those people in my life who are important to me.

How about you?

For the future, let's do something different. Let's think of some things we've always sort of wanted to do. Maybe a longtime dream, maybe just for fun — things that bring a smile to our faces and warm the cockles of our hearts — things that don't have to make sense. All they have to do is be something we have a yearning to do and are not harmful to anyone else.

Some of mine:

• Learn to play the guitar and mandolin (which I am beginning even now).
• Take a long walk in the rain with no hat, coat or umbrella and preferably barefoot.
• Become a portrait photographer, specializing in subjects who don't look good in their photos (because I don't).
• Handpiece an old-fashioned "Crazy Quilt" of satins, silks, velvets, brocades.

How about you?

I hope you have a better idea of who you are, where you've been, where you are now, and that you remembered things about yourself that affirm you, so you won't need someone else to tell you if you're OK. You will know.

Judy Miller Gerard is a Henderson senior and can be reached c/o the Home News, 2360 Corporate Circle, Third Floor, Henderson, NV 89074; by fax at 434-3527 or e-mail at [email protected].