Friday, Feb. 1, 2019 | 2 a.m.
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The Bible tells us that God has been testing humankind since the dawn of time by unleashing all kinds of torments upon us.
So in this respect, we think White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was absolutely right when she said God wanted Donald Trump to be president. Finally, the unlikely series of events that resulted in Trump’s election makes sense — he’s merely the latest example of God’s trials of human beings by fire and brimstone.
With our tongue firmly in our cheek, we’d assert that the parallels between Trump and other examples of the Supreme Being’s wrath are too obvious to ignore:
• Plague of fiery hail. What is Trump’s Twitter account if not the modern, digital version of this form of torture?
• Plagues of flies and lice. See Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, George Papadopoulos, Michael Cohen, Rick Gates, Roger Stone, Scott Pruitt, Ryan Zinke, the Mooch, etc.
• Plague of locusts. The scarring ramifications of Trump’s rollbacks of environmental regulations could make this one look like something you could handle with a can or two of Raid.
• The Noah’s Ark flood. The oceans keep rising as Trump tweets lame-o jokes about global warming, removes restrictions on greenhouse gases and encourages the auto industry to go back to the days of single-digit MPG ratings and cut-it-with-a-knife smog.
• Plague of darkness. Hello “alternative facts,” Alex Jones, QAnon, etc.
• The snake in the garden. Adam bit into the forbidden fruit. Jerry Falwell Jr. and like-minded evangelicals continue to support a twice-divorced president who’s admitted paying hush money to a porn actress and has been accused by more than a dozen women of sexually harassing them. And don’t even get us started about violations of the “name in vain” commandment.
So there you have it. Thank you, Mrs. Huckabee Sanders, for finally offering a plausible explanation for the Trump administration.
